Sham of the Sea

Chapter 25

It had been about a month since Y/N had come home, nearly the same time she had spent away. She and her mother had slipped back into their usual pattern without any hesitation.

Y/N went together with her mother to the market every Friday and even though the corners of her mouth were just a bit unsettlingly too wide and the flesh there scarred, the nice merchants still told her how gorgeous she looked.

Y/N felt content at home. She had told her mother everything that had happened to her on her journey, and they had cried together, her mother's endlessly consoling her. Y/N was starting to cope with these memories, however sometimes still feeling her heart start to beat faster when a person with a black hat crossed the roads.

Y/N found herself distracting that sad mind of her with work, tirelessly baking away and managing to lift their sales a bit. She used the pride of that as a distraction also.

She was not allowing her thoughts to stray somewhere while she was awake, but they still got to her subconscious while she was sleeping. Y/N dreamt then. She dreamt of the vast ocean, of turbulent waves and a swaying ground underneath her feet. She dreamt of a hot sun burning down at her, of only half closed shirts and cutlasses.

She dreamt of Jennie.

The first time that happened, Y/N had accidentally kicked her mother when her legs tried to mimic the ship's movements in her sleep. Her mother had awoken her daughter then, and Y/N had been crying confusedly. She did not know why and her mom did not comment on it, just pulling her close and letting her rest.

Her mom did not ask about it, and she did not wake Y/N again. But sometimes, Y/N woke up with sad eyes and that seemed to tell the woman a lot more than any amount of words ever could.

Y/N had to understand it somewhen. She did not know when exactly the thought occurred to her, but she was pretty sure the first time was when they were going back home on a Friday, and she had been looking up at the stars.

They were still the same stars and the same sky. The same night Jennie was looking up to. Y/N was gripping at this realisation hard, imagining Jennie looking up at the sky and staring at it in wonder too when in reality, the captain was probably busy already again playing with someone.

And it was only at that pang of jealousy, after a sharp stab in Y/N's heart that she finally admitted it to herself.

She was madly in love with Jennie.

And after that, everything seemed to turn for the worse.

Y/N was slipping up constantly, her mind distracted by the pirate's grin or voice. By the fire in the captain's eyes and every single word Jennie had ever told her that kept replaying in her head.

Y/N was turning sick with missing the pirate and even though she was at home, had her life back and was happy, she did not feel at the right place anymore.

Or more like, she felt something was missing, something that was too important to let go.

Her mother noticed it and she covered up for Y/N smoothly, reminding her daughter of the sugar when Y/N forgot it while baking, going out to feed Jimmy when her thoughts had strayed too far to notice. Y/N grew more agitated by the day, often not sleeping because the images her mind conjured seemed far too real, far too much for her poor heart to handle.

Y/N was sitting outside on many nights, bundled up in her warmer clothes so the cool air would not get to her while she was staring up at the stars.

And then it was time for that sailor to come by.

They had not been notified of her arrival, the woman just stood in front of their door one day, and Y/N opened it with flour in her hair, making the other woman chuckle a bit.