ᴏɴɪᴋᴀ ᴍᴀʀᴀᴊ
I sat in the Apple Store, waiting for my new iPhone, my mind wandered back to yesterday. It felt surreal, like a blur, but the pain was still fresh.
Kevin had broken my phone, but it wasn't just about that—it was about how he broke me, too. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he'd done it, that he'd stooped so low.
He actually raped me.
Pulling the hood of my oversized sweatshirt further down over my head, trying to shield myself from the world.
I didn't want anyone to see me like this, to see the mess I was. I felt small, invisible, but at the same time, I didn't want to be seen.
Last night had been unbearable. I had tried to close my eyes, to drift off to sleep and pretend none of it had happened.
But the silence of the night only amplified the thoughts swirling in my head.
I couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop replaying every word, every action. By the time exhaustion finally took over, I was spent, my pillow soaked with tears.
After all that happened I decided to call off work for a week.
I needed time to process, to breathe. Coming here, buying a new phone, felt like the least I could do for myself.
I just still couldn't shake the heaviness that sat in my chest.
What Kevin had done wasn't just about a phone it was about respect, or the lack of it. And now, I had to figure out what came next.
The associate called my name, snapping me back to the present. I took a deep breath, got up, and walked over to pick up my new phone.
One thing was clear though I couldn't let Kevin break me any more than he already had.
I really need to get out of whatever this mess is.
Permanently too.
I stayed at the store for a while, letting my phone finish updating. When it was finally done, I grabbed some accessories for it and left the store.
Now, sitting in my car, I debated what to do next, or what I needed to do.
The world felt like it was moving forward, but I still felt stuck. I was thankful it was a school day and that I'd dropped Omari off this morning.
The thought of him seeing me like this worn out, barely holding it together was unbearable.
Staring out at the parking lot, the world around me continuing as normal while my mind felt frozen.
I ran my hands over the steering wheel, trying to ground myself in the moment. I knew I couldn't sit here forever, but I wasn't ready to face anything else just yet.
My phone buzzed, breaking the silence in the car. I glanced down at it same old problems. I hadn't even checked my messages since yesterday.
But eventually, I had to move. I couldn't just sit there indefinitely. I took a deep breath and decided to at least get something done, even if it was small.
Maybe grabbing some groceries or running a simple errand would help me feel like I had control over something. Anything to fill the time until I But honestly, all I wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed, and cry myself to sleep. The exhaustion was starting to catch up with me, weighing down my body and mind.
But I knew I couldn't.
Not while Kevin was still there. Not with the memories of last night haunting every corner of that house.
