ANOTHER LONELY DECEMBER, Riley Johnson

Fancy Cocktails

"And we meet again" someone suddenly spoke from behind me, making me jump slightly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. What are you doing here?" Riley asked, leaning against the wall next to the door.

"Trying to commit B and E obviously" I sarcastically answered, annoyed at the fact that I still couldn't find my keys.

"So, dinner really was that bad, uh?" she chuckled softly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I just can't find these damn keys" I couldn't tell if she was mocking me but she kept chuckling.

"Let me help you" she moved closer to me, peeking into my bag, her face just inches away from mine.

🎧: Thérèse - Maya Hawke

As crazy as it might sound I hadn't really paid attention to her features earlier in the bathroom. Observing her from up close, I could see the hints of intensity and playfulness painted on her face. Her dark hair contrasted nicely with her fair complexion, high cheekbones and defined jawline provided a perfect mix of sharpness and softness. What captivated me the most about her face were her dark expressive eyes. She looked unique, in the best way possible.

"Found them!" she proudly handed out the key.

"Thank you I won't have to sleep in the hall" I smiled, reaching for the key. She was holding it between her fingers so I could easily grab it but as soon as my hand approached she slid it back in the palm of her hand.

"Would you like a proper drink?" she offered, a hesitant expression on her face. "No pressure" she whispered, handing back the key which I took and placed in my back pocket.

"One drink" I accepted. Her room was the one right next to mine. She went to the mini bar as soon as we walked in, grabbing a bunch of tiny bottles and cans. There wasn't any proper table other than a small desk where her belongings were scattered, so she invited me to sit on the bed.

"Don't mind the mess, I've been here for a week already and I need to sort these things out" she motioned towards the messy desk which wasn't really that messy if you gave it a closer look. She prepared what looked like martinis and handed me a glass as she sat opposite from me, crossing her legs over the edge of the thick mattress.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what happened between you and Harper? Because I'm starting to think that she didn't give us the full story" I asked hoping she wouldn't find it disrespectful or that I wasn't crossing a line.

"Well, we were best friends for a while before we started dating. We were in high school and would do this stupid thing... We'd put love notes into each other's lockers and one day one of her friends found one. Instead of admitting we were together, Harper outed me to our friend group and acted like I was harassing her. I have this vivid memory of her almost crying, telling our friends how she'd already told me she wasn't interested and I just wouldn't take no for an answer" her voice slightly broke at the end of the sentence.

"That's awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that..." I was actually shocked although it was definitely the type of story I was expecting. I didn't think Harper could go that far.

"It's alright, I got through it. It wasn't easy but I handled the constant bullying and all that... I didn't even blame her; I know that not everyone has the chance to be surrounded by open minded people" she shrugged but I could tell it still affected her more than she wanted me to know.

"Did you have a great support system?" I asked, curious.

"Not really. People at school were being mean. Harper's parents had called my parents so it didn't make things easier. Now, they just act like they don't care but we all know it's not true. They care about appearances a lot, and a lesbian daughter doesn't really play in their favour" she explained, a forced smile curling the corner of her lips.

"That's just wild how it's still not completely okay to be gay. When my sister came out I laughed at her face because I didn't get why she felt the need to explain that to me. I mean, I couldn't care less about who she decides to spend her life with. Well, that was before she met Harper. Out of all the fine women out there she had to pick that one" I sighed, rolling my eyes which caused Riley to burst into laughter. "What, it's true, they are plenty of better options out there" I gave in and started laughing too at that point.

"What about you?" Riley asked after she'd calmed down.

"Oh, well... my love life is a sensitive topic" I evasively spoke, nervously playing with the fabric of my shirt with my free hand.

🎧: Youth - Daughter

I placed my third empty cup on the nightstand, letting my head find its place back to the pillow. We were now lying next to each other on each sides of the bed, staring at the beige ceiling. I felt oddly comfortable being so close to someone so new, which was a feeling I wasn't used to. It scared me a little.

"I don't think I've ever actually had feelings for any of the guys I dated" I answered her previous question that I had been avoiding.

"Have you ever considered the fact that you might be... I don't know- playing in the other team?" she hesitantly asked, quickly glancing at me.

"I even considered not playing in any team at all. I don't know though, because I do want to experiment the passion of truly falling for someone. I've just been dating because that's what people do... I guess I just felt pressured to be with someone because that's what society wanted me to do which is insane. It's even more insane that I'm saying it out loud to a complete stranger" I laughed, hiding my face behind my slightly sweaty palms.

"So, no women then?" she asked again. We were quite tipsy so I didn't put much thought into it.

"I honestly don't know. I can't just be sure that I don't like the cake if I've never tried the cake" I tried to illustrate my story which must have been funny considering the loud laugh that quickly filled the room.

"And how was the cake that you did try?" she was still laughing as she rolled on her side, facing me.

"You mean men? They suck, obviously. And the sex is really really bad" I mimicked her position. The both of us shared a look before bursting into laughter. I hadn't drank in a long time and the alcohol was definitely fogging my brain. "Anyway" I cleared my throat "I'm opened to anything really. I just want to experiment stuff and live a little, I'm barely 28. I just don't want to tie my brain into knots over labels, I think they're stupid anyway" I explained, regaining a more serious tone.

"How's that?" the look in her eyes showed she was genuinely interested in the answer which made me want to keep going.

"Well, society makes up this defined boxes in which to put people and people who don't fit into these boxes get mad, obviously, so they create this large welcoming community for all the people who don't belong in any of the previous boxes. Then, they make up their own boxes and start putting people into them. But, they're always someone who doesn't fit so they make up even more boxes and those want to be opened and understanding people start hating on each other the way they hated the very first society boxes. It's just so confusing, I don't get what the point is. I mean, I get wanting to have a proper identity and be able to express and understand it, but really who cares if you're bi, pan, queer, ace... You're just... you, if that makes sense" I was a bit out of breath, this was one of the many topic on which people should not get me started.

"I think I do get it" she nodded in agreement, still processing the information. I looked over at the time of my phone. 2:17am.

"I should probably go, we're going ice skating tomorrow morning" I groaned, not looking forward to that moment.

"That sounds fun" Riley mocked me, standing up so she could walk me to the door.

"Well, this was fun, thank you" I smiled, unsure of how to end that moment.

"We could do that again sometime if you'd like" she offered, brown eyes looking right into mines.

"I'd love that" I honestly answered. She gently placed her hand on my upper arm, leaning in to place a soft kiss on my cheek. As soon as she stepped back I found myself missing her warmth. I didn't say anything, just smiled and left the room. Alcohol's effects had already started washing off but I still decided to take a shower before going to bed. It would buy me some time in the morning, I thought to myself. I hoped the hot water would fill the newly found gap of her now gone warmth but it didn't even come close to it.