ANOTHER LONELY DECEMBER, Riley Johnson

Dr. Amelia Holland

🎧: That's so true - Gracie Abrams

Time went by, days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Before I knew it my manuscript was done; I thought I'd be relieved as soon as I handed it but truth is the wait was the most stressful part. Waiting for other people to decide whether or not they approved of my research project was nerve-racking. There was nothing I could do about it. Eventually, I got a phone call and an e-mail announcing that I had passed. I was officially a doctor in my field of study. I always thought that news would make me jump to the roof, I would run around my apartment screaming like it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When I got the news, I just smiled and sighed in relief.

Truth was, I never got over Riley. It had been literal months since that four days long holiday and she was still there, lingering somewhere in the back of my mind. Sometimes it was like I could still feel her soft hands on my body, the hot air slipping through her lips and hitting my neck as she stood behind me... I missed her like I'd never missed anyone before and I hated it. I hated craving her presence that much because I knew whatever we shared was over. I think the frustration made it worse, not knowing what could have happened if I had done things differently, if I'd put myself first. Don't get me wrong, I didn't regret helping out Abby and I would definitely do it again. But I stop asking myself, what if?

I sat near the window, observing the light rain falling on the streets. I loved it when it rained in summer, I couldn't explain why but it made me feel at peace. So, I stayed there watching; and I used to call Bella Swan dramatic. I needed to get up and get ready but I didn't really want to. Today was my late graduation ceremony and also my birthday. By that I mean that I was going to go pick up my diploma and later have drinks with some friends. I had never been a fan of my birthday and this one was not going to be an exception. A loud knock on the door pulled me out of my daydreaming state.

"Are you still in your pyjamas?" Abby asked slightly annoyed as she walked past me.

"Please, come in" I sarcastically said even though she was already in the living room.

"Okay, talk to me. What's going on?" she marked a pause waiting for an answer that never came. "It's your golden birthday, we're supposed to go and have fun!" she tried to lighten the mood but it didn't work.

"My what?" I asked having no idea about what she was talking about.

"It's August 28th and you're turning 28, golden birthday. Harper said it's a once in a lifetime thing, you should be enjoying that instead of rotting in your pyjamas all day" I could almost hear my mom in the way she spoke.

"I don't like my birthday" I shrugged.

"I know" she sighed. "But you've never seemed to hate it that much either" she added looking away from me. Silence took over the room for a minute. "Are you still upset about Riley?" she asked on a lower, more concerned tone.

"I..." I opened my mouth to speak but nothing else came out. I was not upset. I was devastated.

"Look, it's the twenty first century, if you wanted to sort things out with her you could have just found her on social media. Plus, I don't get why you're still not over it, it's not like something happened between you two" she looked at me, the expression on my face betraying the secret I had been keeping from her. "Amelia?" she asked.

"We might have had a moment..." I mumbled. She didn't actually seem satisfied with my answer. "We slept together" I admitted.

"Why didn't you try to find her then?" she tried to reevaluate the situation with that new piece of information.

"I did" incomprehension grew on her face as she waited for me to say more.

"And?" she asked getting impatient. I got my phone out and searched Riley's name on Instagram. I'd looked at her account a few times since I'd found it, hoping some pictures would disappear. I clicked on the specific picture I was looking for and threw the phone at Abby. She caught it and stared at the picture. "She's..."