Liar | Freddie Mercury

Chapter Thirty Four

I couldn't read Veronica's expression as she sat in my kitchen with me, holding the cup of coffee I had just prepared. Her eyebrows were furrowed, but she didn't seem angry, at first. "Twice? It's already happened twice?" I nodded. "This all happened in the last week? I thought you weren't going to see him for a while longer." She was anything but pleased about what I'd just told her.

"Yeah, that was the plan, but then I ran into him after I left your flat. He said Roger was home and asked if we could go somewhere private, to talk, so we went to the studio. It happened there. Then he came over last night..." I said, a lump forming in my throat.

I'd gone against everything she'd said, and I could see the disappointment in her eyes. Part of me wanted to lie to her too, and I was going to until she began asking questions.

"So what now? Are you going to speak to Roger about it?" she asked, trying to remain somewhat neutral.

"No, I promised Freddie I wouldn't if he left Pasha."

"Did he?" she eyed me skeptically. I nodded, explaining exactly what had happened after I showed up at his flat that windy afternoon. I told her all about the night before, how he left me alone in that small room, and how angry I felt the next morning. Then, I told her about our conversation on the balcony, and what Pasha had heard. She remained quiet for the entire time, watching me closely.

She listened intently, but her expression didn't change. She was still frowning. I could feel the tension building with each word that left my mouth. "Do you really think this is a good idea? What do you think will come of it? If he says he doesn't want a relationship, what are you expecting? For him to fall in love with you and change his mind? I wouldn't hold my breath." My heart sank when she said those words.

I valued her honestly, but I didn't want to hear it. Although she had become my best friend in the last few months, the last thing I wanted was for her to lecture me. I was becoming more agitated by the second.

"I'm not expecting anything," I lied, "I just don't want everything to feel so heavy all the time. I'm so tired of feeling miserable," I said, certain that she could hear the annoyance in my voice.

She sighed and lifted her cup to her lips. She didn't say anything as she stared into space, thinking about what I had just told her. She shook her head before finally placing the cup down. "Why? Why is Freddie worth all of this? He's hardly ever nice to you," she said.

My gaze dropped. I couldn't stand the look of disappointment on her face. All I wanted was for her to stop asking me about it. Was this how Freddie felt whenever I brought up a topic he didn't want to discuss?

"You know nothing about the things he says and does to me when we're alone," I said quietly.

"Like what? Making you lie and hide your feelings because he's scared of hurting his friend's tiny feelings, or having a fit and storming out after you-" She was becoming angry, and I couldn't take it.

"Jesus, stop. You don't have to tell me about all the fucked up things he's done, okay? I know! Believe it or not, but I have spent the last few months constantly thinking about every single one of those things!" I snapped. "But I have feelings for him, and if this is all he's willing to give me, then I am going to take it. Once it all falls apart, you can tell me you told me so, but for now, just be my fucking friend," I said.

I felt bad the second I said it, but it was the truth. I already knew that it wasn't the best idea, and I wasn't looking for a solution. I just needed someone to talk to.

She was silent after that. At first, she looked shocked, then pissed, but as the minutes passed, and we didn't say a word to one another, her expression slowly began to soften, then, she spoke.