𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝'𝐬 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 |𝟏𝟖+

| CHAPTER VIII |❀

It had been a good 5 days since she returned from Japan alone, she needed her space, without anyone, no more distractions. In her solidarity, she realised she hadn't healed from her past trauma at all, she was hiding it in the back of her head, like keeping things in a little box, locking it away to make sure it wouldn't escape. She didn't talk to anyone, not her Selene, not Tayana or a worried Dominic, she just needed herself, for the first time in forever, she was choosing herself.

Her ways of coping were unhealthy but definitely improved from when she was younger, 9 year old Alina would hit herself with her hands on her head chanting, stupid, stupid, stupid as she was constantly berated for not being like her sister. Tayana was always success driven, focused on the right things and was ore skilled in work compared to Alina. She was just a little girl who wanted to help everyone, wanted to help helpless animals and take care of them to heal herself, heal the hurt in her. It was tough growing up in the Suzui household, Tayana had always clearly been her father's favourite because she was just like him, a carbon copy of a stern man who always believed in the logical whereas Alina used her emotion, going whatever her heart told her, that's the advice her mother gave her, Alina was just like her, so soft spoken, gentle with everything and kind to all, even those who hurt her, that's how she was raised. Her mother defended her from her father constantly... that was until her mother passed away from cancer, her whole world came crashing down , alienated in her own household. No one would get her, no one could ever understand her, her beloved mother always told her that she was just special, a light in a world of darkness and she told her that until she took her last breath. Alina missed her..she was her light in her darkness, instead of shaming her like everyone did, she would comfort her, validate her feelings and tell her everything is going to be alright, her encouragement would've gotten her away from Diego way before all of this, if anyone would've just told her that, "everything is going to be okay."

Now, the 21 year old Alina would rot in her bed all day, it was unhealthy but it brought her a sense of comfort, the black out curtains on with nothing but a small lamp and LED for a source of warm light. She was barely eating, she barely ate anyway but she didn't have an appetite at all. Food was never anything that would bring her comfort, it brought her anxiety and a sense of weariness. She was always a little bigger when she was little, her dad putting her on a diet at the age of 10 ruined everything, he was always critical of their bodies and didn't care about being blunt about it "You're gonna finish all of that?" "How about going to the gym as a hobby? It would help you feel better" "Don't you ever feel embarrassed being bigger than everyone else in your friend group?", horrible, horrible things he would say. She always wanted to be a model but at a young age realised that she could never become a model if she wads just a little chubby, her father made that evident when he would tell her, chubby girls can't be models. Getting an eating disorder at the age of 13 was nothing she ever wanted, nothing her mother would've wanted, her heart would shatter if she knew that that's how bad things were getting. Being in the model industry made it worse, she knew it was unhealthy but she couldn't stop, being out there, the camera flashes and applause gave her a sense of validation, she'd found confidence even if it was just temporary, it made her feel good.

And Diego came and ruined all of that. That man was how..she would describe a stick that had been set on fire and shoved up your ass, Satan's spawn himself. It took her time to realise that what he did was not okay, not only did he not groom her, he tore down her confidence, made her feel like everything about her was disgusting and subtly reminded that she would never be anything he would want. He just wanted her money and sex, someone he knew was vulnerable and could never say no, asshole. She was glad she cut him off on everything, she'd received phone calls and texts, when she blocked, persistent emails from him came along, pathetic, who's weak now?