Defender's Heartbeat 2

Chapter 36

Gerardo

Finally, Enzo entered my room. I looked at him carefully this time. He was as handsome as an angel. I realized he was the most beautiful child I had ever seen in my life. How had I not noticed this before? How could I have hated him so much? He stood near the door, staring nervously, unsure of what to do. With a gesture of my hand, I beckoned him to come closer. He walked slowly towards me, avoiding direct eye contact.

There was a palpable tension in the air as Enzo approached my bedside. His hesitance was understandable, given the tumultuous nature of our relationship. But at that moment, I couldn't help but marvel at the young man he had become. His angelic features softened the hardened edges of my heart.

I patted the bed, signaling for him to sit beside me. He hesitated at first, looking at me as though I were a stranger. His eyes darted around the room, searching for someone to save him.

"Sit," I said softly. He cautiously sat on the bed next to me, careful not to get too close.

I opened my arms, asking for a hug. He looked surprised, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously as he swallowed. He didn't know how to respond.

"Just one," I whispered, and slowly, he bent down and gave me a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, inhaling the scent of his cologne. I felt his warmth and planted a kiss on his cheek. But his cologne was overwhelming—so strong it became hard to breathe, suffocating me with its intensity.

Even though I wanted to hold him longer, I couldn't bear the powerful aroma. So, I reluctantly let him go.

"Don't go," I whispered, and he stayed seated beside me, motionless. His dark eyes wandered like a helpless kitten searching for a way to escape a predator. His thick lashes only added to the beauty of his handsome face.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. He remained silent. "For everything," I added.

There were so many things I wanted to say, but my weakened state made it hard to speak for long. I realized then that I truly loved him, but somehow, my grief and anger had turned me into a monster. I wanted to fix myself, to be a better father to all my children—especially to Enzo, who had endured the most unfair abuse from me. There were no excuses for what I had done. I felt ashamed of how I had treated my own son. I felt like I deserved to die.

But then, I was grateful for this second chance—an opportunity to treat Enzo better. He would hate me forever, and he had every right to. But from now on, I want to be different.

Enzo

I was taken aback when Papa asked for a hug. I had waited so many years for this moment, but after he told me he wished I had died instead of Mama, I gave up on that hope—completely. But now, after I had finally made peace with not wanting him, he was trying to get closer. At this point, I didn't have any feelings for him. I didn't want him anymore. I didn't want his love. I had resigned myself to accepting the situation and living like this forever, and suddenly he wanted me. What kind of cruel joke was my life? I couldn't understand.

I didn't even feel sad for him. I had no feelings for him. He was a stranger to me. I didn't know this man. The Papa I knew never talked to me like this. He was a monster. And the man lying on this hospital bed? I didn't recognize him.

Years of being pushed away and hearing cruel words had hardened my heart. I couldn't just forget all the pain he caused me—the countless times he made me feel unwanted, unloved. Now that I had finally found a way to cope with him not caring, his sudden change felt like a cruel twist of fate. I struggled with the thought that maybe it was too late to fix what was broken between a father and his son. Honestly, I didn't care about our relationship. I wanted to tell him to his face that I wished he had suffered more when he got sick. I didn't want him to die—just to suffer longer. Maybe until he finally died, I guess.

I was completely confused by my own thoughts. Before coming to the hospital, I felt a little sadness for him. But now, I was angry. Maybe it was because he dared to ask for a hug. How could he, after treating me like a piece of garbage?

I hugged him anyway, but only because he asked. I didn't feel anything. My feelings for him were numb. As I hugged Papa (Gerardo), I felt like I was betraying Papa (Manuel).

He hugged me and kissed my face, but it felt like a stranger was doing it. Too bad my feelings were numb. I could feel him crying, but I felt no sadness. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to go home. I didn't know how to change my feelings back. My feelings for my family were dead. First, they killed my love while I eagerly waited for their attention. And now that they had destroyed every single feeling in my heart, they suddenly wanted my love back. I felt lost. I felt confused. Why did they always play with me like this?

Papa let go of me from the hug. A nurse came in and asked me to leave so he could rest. I turned to go, but Papa grabbed my hand again. I turned back to him.

"Come tomorrow," he said, tears welling in his eyes.

Oh gosh, he wants me tomorrow too. I hate hospitals. I wanted to ask him, How many days did you come to the hospital to see me? But I didn't ask. What if he had another heart attack and died? I didn't want the blame or more trauma added to my already messed-up mental health.

"Okay," I said. I didn't want to be rude while he was lying in a hospital bed. I guess I'm not as cruel as he is.

I left the hospital room feeling confused, unsure of how to react. Do I have to pretend to feel something I don't actually feel? Do I have to fake cry? I don't think I'm a good actor, though.

"What did he say?" Pedro asked, putting his arm around my shoulder. I felt his body pressing against mine. He was too close. I wasn't sure what was happening with my family. Were they playing some kind of joke on me? I didn't understand why Pedro was trying to be nice to me now.

I liked him a little, but I didn't trust him.

"He was joking around, just like you guys, I guess," I said.

"What does that mean?" Pedro asked, not letting me move away as I tried to create some distance. He looked at me with that firm expression he always had, like he accidentally bit into something bitter but kept it in his mouth without saying a word.

"To be honest, I don't understand what you all are doing. My whole life, you've hated me. Then suddenly, you acted like you cared. Then you started hating me again. And now you're acting like you love me. What kind of mind game is this? My head is spinning from all your drama," I said, shaking his hand off and walking past him toward Papa (Manuel).

"Can we please go home, Papa? I don't want to stay here," I said, and I could hear the sadness in my own voice. Sometimes I feel guilty when I'm rude to my family, and I don't even know why.

Papa (Manuel) wrapped his arm around me affectionately and pulled me closer as he led me out.

"Papa, I don't know what to do. I just don't understand if they're lying or if they're being genuine," I confessed.

"What happened?" he asked.

I told him everything that had happened and what Papa (Gerardo) said in the hospital room.

"Don't think too much about it, okay? Maybe he acted that way because of the heart attack. You don't have to force yourself to feel something you don't feel. But you did the right thing. If he wants to talk, talk to him. If he wants to hug you, let him hug you," Papa (Manuel) said gently.

"What if he wants to beat the shit out of me again? Should I let him do that too?" I asked firmly. I wasn't mad at Papa (Manuel), but I was furious about the whole situation.

"No, baby." Papa (Manuel) looked at me, confused. "Did I say something wrong? Isn't it good that he doesn't hate you anymore?" he asked before opening the car door for me to get in.

I think Papa (Manuel) was just as confused about all of this as I was. He didn't really understand what was going on with my Papa (Gerardo) and my brothers either. Juana is probably the only real person in my family right now. She used to hate me, and she still does. There's no drama with her. She doesn't pretend to like me and then treat me badly. She's always treated me badly. At least she's consistent. I don't know why everyone else in my family makes my life so hard and confusing.