Renegade// Criston Cole / Davina Targaryen

25. Breaks You

They say- the they that is the people who name things and the rest of the world just listens to for some reason- that love comes in threes.

The one that makes you

The one that breaks you

The one that's forever.

Criston wanted to be davinas forever.

"You have a breaking love?" Davina pondered.

"Yes." Criston admitted after a moment. "I left her when I came to the capital. He hadnt thought about her in years." He thought davina might be his breaking love but he wanted her to be his forever, so she couldnt be his breaking... or could she?

"You ever think of going back?" Davina pondered.

"Never." He answered with finality. "I got you and aemond and..." he touched her stomach. "We are a family." Her face puckered. "Like it or not. You and me are a family!" He declared. She relaxed laughing into him.  She liked the idea of being a family with him, a real family. 

Criston was fully prepared to ask davina to marry him. He had the ring. The candles set up. The carrot cake looked beautiful. He even thought he had furys blessing. Now all he needed was davina. Who albeit was usually fashionably late she was never this late. Concerned he went to find her. Aemond was already in bed reading of course when criston peered in.

"Night kiddo."

"Night Cole." Aemond answered. Criston wondered as he moved to davinas chambers if aemond would ever feel comfortable calling him dad or father one day.

Pushing open davinas door he expected to see clothes littering the floor, shoes everywhere which he would surely trip over and a stunning half naked davina in the middle of it all.

He didnt find that however. He found davina in the bath. His smile shifted as he got closer seeing the bloody water surrounding her. Davina didnt have to say anything as she looked up from her miscarriage. Criston understood and he held her.

He wished she felt comfortable enough to tell him so she didnt have to go through this alone but she was one to put on a brave face even when she was breaking.

They didnt say a word as criston helped her into her clothes and bundled her up under the covers. He lay beside her kissing her temple as she cried silent tears.

It was for the best she supposed. Aemond liked being an only child but davina was looking forward to a daughter maybe. Someone like her. Trouble like her no doubt.

Criston felt the ring burning a hole in his pocket all night. It wasnt the right time. It would never be the right time.

Davina and criston fell into an easy rhythm the next few years. He never felt like it was the right time to ask. Yes they had laid together many times. He spent every night in their bed but every morning no matter if he held her it fucked her endlessly she took her tea not wanting that pain again. The pain of losing the baby she had already loved so much and she didnt even know if it was a boy or a girl. She didnt even name the babe.

"Lia strong?" Luke asked.

"Shes perfect." Aemond confirmed waving at her as she passed.

"Strong?" Luke repeated.

"I love her. Don't look at her. I already have to deal with aegon looking at her." Aemond demanded.  

Davina watched them, bonding, such cuties. Rhaenyra peered around her. 

"I like them together. Besties like us." Rhaenyra decided. 

"HOw's Harwin doing?" Davina asked. Rhaenyra turned beet red. Davina chuckled. 

"I'm glad we can laugh about this." She mumbled. 

"Laenor wasnt doing it for you, I get it. No everyone likes Targaryen... thats a lie. I havent met a man that didnt want me. Even my husband that liked men liked me." 

"You dont talk about the men before." Rhaenyra realized. 

"They didnt last long."

"Yet your current relationship with cole..." 

"He's fun, he's kind, he treats my Aemond right. And he isnt my husband so I have the freedom to be me." Davina answered. "Thats the problem with marriage Rhaenyra. Men hold the power as soon as a union is set. I dont like giving up my power." Rhaenyra nodded. 

"How did the search for a dragon for Aemond go?"

Since the loss of her baby she had been trying even harder to help Aemond find his own dragon. Aegon and Helaena both claimed dragons. Jace and Lukes eggs hatched. Daeron's hatched about an hour after Jace which Jace rubbed in his face. Aemond was still dragonless. 

"He doesnt like Vermithor. The big beast that he is. The right one is out there." Davina assured. "He's just... taking his time finding the perfect one." 

"Must be hard." Rhaenyra admitted. 

"It's painful." Davina agreed as the boys played with Luke's little dragon. She saw the love in Aemond's eyes as he played with Arrax.