Does Voldemort Even Lift, Bro?

Chapter 4: Year 2- Everybody Must Get Stroned II

Disclaimer: More silliness that would make Harry Potter much more fun if it were canon. :)

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Harry Potter groaned to himself as he strolled down the hall towards the classroom that buffoon Lockhart had been using all year. He refused to call it teaching since all the fop had done was stoke his ego and make the dumb girls sigh. Funnily enough, even Granger was being stupid about him.

As if that soft ponce could really put a werewolf in a headlock. I mean, seriously, he got beaten up by a twelve year old with only one good hand.

Unfortunately, Harry was stuck having to try to figure out a way to deal with him because he was determined to find a guy for McG. That's why he ended up knocking on the door that evening about half an hour after dinner had finished. Plus, it had to be that night in particular because he'd already secured the help of his second favorite set of twins as well as his brainy Ravenclaw honey in setting everything up. He still wasn't happy about it, but the quest to find McG a dude was far too important for him to bail now.

"Come in!"

"Excuse me, professor," Harry said, trying not to grind his teeth in his annoyance as he opened the door and stepped inside.

"Ah, M-m-mister Potter," Lockhart gulped.

"Yeah, so I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but um..." Harry scratched his head. How the hell was he supposed to do this anyway? "So, are you like married or anything?"

"Of course not," Lockhart answered with a grin. "My adoring public would be heartbroken if I weren't unattached."

"Oh," Harry frowned.

"It is a burden I'm willing to bear," Lockhart smiled once again. "Besides, can you imagine me being tied down to some woman? Whenever would I have the time to write my novels?"

"I guess, but... I mean, you do like girls, right? No wait, you don't like young girls I hope. Because that would be all kinds of wrong."

"I like the adoration they give me, but I am not sexually interested in them, I can assure you of that," Lockhart replied before starting to frown. "I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this."

"Oh, that's due to my lovely assistants," Harry answered as he pointed his wand at the no longer grinning wizard. "It was going to be bad enough that I would have to willingly talk to you, but I certainly didn't want to have to do it while you would just spin your usual lies."

"You mean like all my books?"

"Yeah, did you make all of that stuff up?"

"I'm not that imaginative," Lockhart answered then started to frown again. "Why did I say that?"

"We slipped you a truth potion in your evening meal."

"Oh, no," Lockhart moaned.

"Oh yes. So, about your books... if you didn't make them up, then..."

"I interview people who have done amazing things, write down their stories, and then use memory charms to make them forget what they've done so that I can claim their deeds as my own." Lockhart grimaced as Harry smirked at him. "A truth potion shouldn't make me tell you all this."