Does Voldemort Even Lift, Bro?

Chapter 5: Year 3-- I Ain't Scared of No Ghost

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or MARVEL.

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"So, then I stabbed that smarmy little bastard ghost's diary over and over and he screamed like a little bitch while he like dissolved or something," Harry said, waving the sword around while he finished his story. "It was totally sweet."

"Well done, young Harry," Thanos replied with a deep booming laugh. "I see that you have used the creature's skin to make the sheath. A wise decision- taking and displaying trophies from your kills will remind the sheep of your greatness."

"Yeah, I had this little dude named Dobby do that for me."

"Wasn't that the creature that tried to prevent you from returning to school last summer?"

"Yeah, he's kinda nutty, but he got my bloody shirt after I won and he's been completely devoted to me ever since," Harry shrugged. "So I figure it's all good."

"Sometimes foes can be persuaded to one's side after you emerge triumphant," Thanos nodded. "Though, you should practice vigilance in case of betrayal. Any traitors must be dealt with harshly- mercy is for the weak and the foolish."

"Right, like Conan said," Harry agreed. That was the most recent movie Thanos had shown him, saying that it held many important life lessons. Harry liked that he now had another role model- he was planning on becoming buff enough to make Arnie proud, and he imagined his girls would like it if he ever showed up in a loin cloth. He already had the sword anyway.

"What is best in life?" Thanos prodded.

"To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women," Harry repeated with a smile.

"Indeed," Thanos chuckled. "That line was borrowed from Genghis Khan, perhaps the greatest human of all time. He was a warrior and conqueror, and you should heed his wisdom."

"I will."

"Excellent." Thanos stood up and walked over to the safe in his office- he had pulled Harry in there to hear his tale in privacy and to keep the honeys from distracting his young protege. From inside the safe he removed his gauntlet, now halfway complete. "Behold, Harry, the third gem I have acquired."

"It's yellow," Harry looked at it puzzled. "I don't think it looks as cool as the other two."

"Hah! No matter how powerful I may be, I did not create these stones, and thus, I did not choose their colors. Do you remember which the first two were?"

"Yeah, Power and Space," Harry answered.

"Correct," Thanos smiled darkly. "This is perhaps the most powerful of all- the Reality gem."

"Like, it can change reality?"

"Exactly," Thanos nodded.

"But then..." Harry scratched his head. "Why would the others even matter? Couldn't you just like... decide that Reality says whatever you want to happen and always win at everything?"

"To some extent, but the other stones are beyond its power to control," Thanos replied. "That's why I can't use it to warp reality to make the others just appear in my hand. In some ways, that's a pity, but at the same time, the end result will be much sweeter once I have finished my quest. Do you understand?"