Does Voldemort Even Lift, Bro?

Chapter 3: Year 2-- Everybody Must Get Stoned

Disclaimer: If only canon Dumbledore were truly this high all the time, some of his actions would make a lot more sense.

Author's Note: For those of you who are only familiar with Thanos & the Infinity Stones from the MCU, I'm going with the classic colors before they changed them for the movies for some damn reason.

I grew up on too many comics, games, & whatnot with the originals. Therefore:

Power is Red

Space is Purple

Reality is Yellow

Time is Orange

Mind is Blue

Soul is Green

Also, no this story does not take place in the MCU or cross over with any of the movies.

Enjoy!

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Harry had just gotten back to his room after showering. It had been a long day of hard work, but he was pretty damn sure that he'd be able to break his record for the benchpress by the end of summer. Everything seemed normal enough- the window was open as he was waiting for his owl to get back from visiting his honeys, the Patil twins. He'd sent them a letter a couple of days before and Sammie had been told to wait and come back with their response. The girls loved his owl anyway- she was pretty striking looking, and Sammie liked the extra attention.

Harry hadn't really thought of it before hand but having sisters as his two honeys also had the added benefit on cutting down on his letter writing. He wasn't the best at expressing himself that way; he was more of a person to person, face to face kind of guy.

Sammie came screeching in through the window with a piece of parchment clutched in one sharp-taloned foot while the other was dragging along this strange little humanoid creature that was bleeding but still kicking.

"Sammie, I think if you were trying to show off your skills as a hunter, you're normally only supposed to bring in things you've finished killing," Harry said as the creature was dropped on the floor next to his bed. The owl barked loudly and landed over on his desk, sticking out her foot and waiting for him to remove the letter. "Thanks girl."

"M-m-mister Harry P-p-potter must listen to Dobby," the little bloody guy moaned as he tried to stand up.

"What's a Dobby? Is that your name?"

"Dobby is a house-elf, sir."

"Okay, um, cool I guess. So, what do you want, little dude?"

"Dobby was trying to stop the great Harry Potter's mail."

"Why would you do that? Man, that was seriously dumb, bro. You're lucky Sammie didn't take one of your eyes out. She's kinda awesome that way, you should have seen what she did to this rat she caught last week. I'm not squeamish about blood, but damn. She messed that thing up like crazy, you know?"

"Dobby was trying to protect the great Harry Potter! Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

"Yeah, that sounds like crazy talk." Harry shook his head, poor little guy was obviously nuts. "Do you have any idea how awesome last year was at Hogwarts? I got to fight a troll, I got to play this wacky game called quidditch, I had these two awesome honeys, and I got to punch a guy to death. Like, his face just turned to dust from me punching him. It was so cool. Why wouldn't I want to go back there?"