You Broke me

Chapter 34- Confusion Hurt and whereto Now?

Hi people sorry for the late update. Hope this one is okay or at least appease your curiosity about how things are going with Zee and Nunew.

Enjoy

Nunew was furious. He paced up and down in his room after he left Zee and Nanon in the sittingroom. How on earth did his life derail so much in a matter of weeks. He was living a good life with his kids. Had people around him he could trust, he started singing again although still as his alter ego but he was doing food. He was happy. Well kind of. Yes he missed Zee's parents, tbey were a great support system when he finally opened up about him being abused. He missed them and still do. He doesn't even want tk think about Kinn and Porche who opened their house to him and treated him as their own child. And when his pregnancy came out they were all ready to defend and support him. Yet, he chose to leave them because the only man he would ever love made his love a mockery. He doesn't care if Zee felt that he was protecting him by doing what he did it still broke him.

He, Nunew not wanting to be a nuisance or wanting them to feel responsible for him decided to start anew. The last time he saw Zee was when he went into labor with the twins. It was an agonizing time for him but he wanted to be responsible for himself and his children and he sent Zee away. In hindsight he could have been more lenient towards Zee when he heard why Zee did what he did but the hurt was to deep, too deep ingrained in his being to be able to listen to any rationale. He made his bed and he slept in it for five years.

Untill that damn Zee Pruk Panich cane back in his life.

What the hell am I'm going to do now?  Nunew thought to himself. Everything is a mess. His ex lover came back into his life and assumed his role as father of their children not thinking of what he did. An apology doesn't fix the past, it doesn't take away the hurt and distrust. How can Zee just continue as if nothing happened? Yes he showed regret and walk on eggshells to appease Nunew's mood and feelings but that's not enough. He hasn't really prove to he has the right tk be part of their lives. The children are crazy about him. They love their father unconditionally. And Nunew is stuck in this situation. He doesn't want to be rude to Zee but Zee has this tendency to make decisions that he thinks is best and not consult Nunew. He did it in the past and he is doing it again. Five years ago Nunew was an insecure boy inlove with a man whom he always wanted to please. Now he is not that young boy anymore.

His past returning to him was all Zee's fault.  Maybe he should just pack up and leave again. He was sorely tempted but uprooting his children didn't sit well with him. What he needs now is a break from everything and everyone who reminds him of his painfull past.

Yes Nunew  thought as he pulled his phone closer to for holiday resorts. That's what he and his children needs. A break from everyone. The problem is will their father allow him to exclude him from their holiday plans. Nunew sighed as he put his phone down again deciding to sleep on the idea and decide in the morning. He is too emotional and tired to think anymore and too emotional to make any decisions. He went to his bathroom connected to his room to take a long shower. Afterwards after he proceeded to go to bed. Just before het got into bed he decided to check on the children.

What he saw broke his heart. Zee has moved the children's bed together to make a big bed and he was laying with a child in each arm, cuddling them to his chest. Nunew could see Zee and the kids were fast asleep but what he could not unsee was the trails of tears on Zee's cheeks. Even while Zee was deep asleep Nunew could hear the heartbreaking sobs Zee tried to swallow in his sleep. Zee whimpered and held the children tightly while whispering Nunew's name. Nunew just stood there like a statue his heat breaking for the man who broke his heart. He is also hurting Nunew thought. His heart ached so much but his brain told him he deserves the heartache. What he is experiencing now is not close to the magnitude of the feelings of betrayal amd hurt that he that is Nunew went through. That is the thoughts that is going through Nunew's mind while watching Zee. He bend over and took Zoe from Zee's arms and took her to his bed. Then he returned and tried to untangle Zach from his father's arm as Zach was clinging to Zee. After a while Nunew got him loose and took him to his bed. After settling the children he got into bed to sleep. His mind keep drifting to Zee sleeping alone on the children's bed.

Fuck Nunew thought to himself and walked to the children's room to wake Zee. He just can't let him sleep alone looking so forlorn. Whe.n he got close to the room the door flew open and Zee stormed out crying frantically. When he saw Nunew he fell on his knees Nhu I lost our children he sobbed . I am a bad father and partner. Our children were sleeping next to me know I lost them. Zee's cries were getting louder and Nunew was concerned that it ould wake the children and he did what he thought is right and would calm Zee down.

He went on his knees and he hugged Zee. He patted his head and rubbed his back as you would sooth a young child.  Our babies are safe Hia he said not realizing what he said. He just continued to sooth Zee while having this inate urge to calm him down. After a while Zee slumped in his arms and said Nhu you were right. I don't deserve to be their father. I don't deserve to be part of their lives. I have done nothing to prove that I do deserve it or another chance with you.

Zee then straighted up and lifted his head and looked into Nunew's eyes.

I love you Nhu. It's always been you. Although it took me a while to realise it but it's just been you. I have made stupid decisions and mistakes thinking I knew best how to protect you. I realized even before our children were born all I had to do was to be with you to protect you. To be honest about what I feel for you. I failed you as a partner. I failed our children for stepping up so late. I failed my parents for not listening and trusting them. I will leave your house Nhu because all I have been bring to your and our children is trouble and heartache. I love you so much Nhu, so much that I am stepping back to wait IF I am allowed in your luge and our children's lives.

After saying his piece Zee stood up and bend towards Nunew and kissed him softly on the lips. Please afford me the opportunity to kiss my children goodbye Zee pleaded to Nunew. Nunew was stunned to say the least. He never thought to hear Zee saying that he is leaving. That's not what he wants. He wants his Hia close to him now that he has him back. How can he talk about leaving again?

Nunew was gutted. He was broken again. Yes, he resented Zee for what he did in the past but secretly he was hoping that they could move forward from the hurt they both experienced.

But now Zee was talking about leaving. Nunew's hurt turned into anger.

So you just going to desert your family for a second time? Nunew shouted. He was enraged. You don't even put in effort to fight for us. You just giving up again. So that means we are not good enough to be fought for.

If that is the case, then just leave Pruk Panich. You were right. You don't deserve us because you don't want to fight for us.

Nunew them ran out of the room with tears rmflowing down his cheeks.