Sister Mother

Chapter 4

Addie

I have a bipolar relationship with my body.

Sometimes I love it. The scars on my hips, knees, chest, ankles and neck are warrior wounds from succsesful surgeries. I earned those, so I wear them with pride. My wide-gaited hips, slight curve in my back from having a "not worth fixing right now" spinal curvature and flexible wrist joints are all unique features of myself. Would I give them all away if I had the chance? Yes, of course I would. But I'm a proud, confident woman who loves herself.

But sometimes, I hate how I look and feel. Sometimes I feel like the only womanly features of my body are my breasts and my ability to menstruate.

When I had sex, I thought I'd feel different. I didn't sleep with Timothy in the hopes that his approval of my body would make it easier for me to like myself but...

Alright, fine. That is partly why I had sex.

It was a disaster. A quick, uncomfortable, mechanical disaster that didn't even grant me an orgasm. Knowing that first times are usually uncomfortable and painful for any girl, I gave Timothy a second chance. I wasn't a cruel person.

That second time was even more disappointing, so I told him I was dying. I'm not a perfect person either.

Deciding I didn't need anyone's validation but my own, I swore to myself that I'd never get caught up in cheesy romance ever again. It wasn't worth the late nights staring up in bed and drowning in self-pity. I could love myself just fine, thank you!

Then I met Leo, who fucked up everything in the best way possible. He made the "she's a kid" assumption that most people made about me, but got over it immediately. He laughed at my weird humor, said weirder things back and clicked with me. My insides melted just from one look at him.

To make things worse, his personality was even better than his body. He was the best combination of a gentleman and asshole. I wanted him in every way possible, even if having him terrified me.

My parents were only alive in the faintest sense of the word.

If any good can come from their terrible accident, then shouldn't I sacrifice my patience for a little courage? If Mom were here, she'd put her hands on my shoulders and nudge me over to the cute boy. Dad would encourage me to never shy away from any opportunity, even if that meant his little girl was growing up too fast.

"I'll start off," said Leo. "You're single too, right?"

I almost choked on my hot chocolate. "Oh, I've got tons of guys knocking on my door. The only problem is, they're all either guys I'm related to, or someone reminding me to pay my bills."

"I was just asking," Leo said defensively.

"I was just answering. Even if there was someone, there isn't time for me to date."

"You should make time for yourself." He slid his hand around mine.

I felt my pulse in every inch of my body.

Be brave. It's how Mom and Dad raised you to be.

This is Leo. I don't have a reason to be nervous around him.

"Your eyes look like chocolate," I spat.

Leo raised his eyebrows. "Do you want to eat them?"

"No!" I pulled my hand away from his so that I could hide my face. "I invited you in for hot chocolate because your eyes have always reminded me of chocolate. "Hot chocolate reminds me of your eyes. They also look like hazelnuts. Your eyes are chocolate hazelnuts." I peeked behind my fingers.