Sister Mother

Chapter 19

Addie's secret Leo notebook

March 30

Lee,

I suck at being vulnerable. I'm not afraid of being rejected by you. You're one of the few people that don't try to overlook what's not pretty. In college, I'd park my scooter in the corner of the room so that no one would see it. It takes up a lot of space and there isn't room for people to see me. My favorite place on campus was that cramped room in the library we always found ourselves in. The entire room was like a corner, and so I couldn't hide my scooter. You saw it. You didn't try not to see it. You didn't stare at it either, you stared at me. You've said and done a lot of sweet things, but that's one of the things that sticks out to me. When I'm with you, I don't have to try to hide my weakest parts.

I keep thinking about my ex, Timothy. I broke up with him in a terrible way because he hurt me. When we had sex, he avoided touching my surgical scars. I have a lot of them all over my body. I told Timothy that he could touch them after he went out of his way to avoid them, but he didn't listen. We had sex, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge my scars. He closed his eyes so he didn't see them. It wasn't just my scars, he barely touched me. I felt like I was having sex with someone who was afraid to touch me.

So in return, I told him that I was dying. I know that's extreme, but at least I wasn't the victim.

I'm afraid of being vulnerable with you, and right now, all of my weaknesses are out on display for the world to see. I hope this makes sense. I'm not trying to make you the victim, I just don't know how much more hurt I can handle.

I suck at love letters, which is another reason you're never reading this.

-Adds

⫷👁⫸

Addie

The courtroom was cold, beige and big enough for our voices to echo off the walls. I sat in the middle of a long rectangular table in the front of the room. Today was the first hearing of Beatrice's custody case, and I felt the weight of my entire family resting on my shoulders.

I wore a blue blouse with frills that kept tickling my chin. My lawyer Mr. Grant, said that I had to do my best to appear as a mature young woman, and so I went shopping. Shopping as a Little Person was a task I hadn't mastered since before I was a teenager. The only clothes that fit me were from the children's section. I spent two hours digging through polka dots, animal stripes and bright pink things with cutesy little phrases that almost made me barf until Beatrice found the stupid blouse. It was the most formal adult-like thing in there. It was ugly, itchy and I was tempted to rip it off and force it down someone's throat.

Mr. Grant had light brown hair and the beginning of a beard. He was eager, ambitious and had far more faith in this case than I did. My family sat behind me.

"Your Honor, I introduce to the court, Ms. Addison McKenna," Mr. Grant said. He was on his feet, dressed in a gray suit and tie. "She is a college graduate who, in the wake of a family tragedy, obeyed her parents' wishes to take care of her two younger siblings. She has been her brother and sister's sole caregiver for the last year. We would like to affirm today that Ms. McKenna is fit to continue acting as the legal guardian for Miss Beatrice. Furthermore, we insist that revoking guardianship would do nothing but make this family tragedy even worse."

The court was silent as the judge and prosecution studied me. Judge Marcus Parsons' podium loomed high above me. I could only see his furrowed brows and bald forehead. There were three people on the state's side, two CPS case workers and a lawyer hired to represent the state. The lawyer wore a light blue tailored suit and sat with his face well above the table. I fidgeted nervously.