DOWN BAD | JULIAN CASABLANCAS

VIII.

A bump in the road had shaken her out of her sleep. It was three in the morning and the bus was on route to Philadelphia for a gig. Food was scarce, sleep even more rare. It had been a long two weeks already between northeastern states. Stella was homesick, stirring softly as lights from the highway shone through the crack in her bunk's curtain. It was borderline claustrophobic the size of it. A couple of photos of Frances taped to the wall next to one of her and Chloë, her book tucked into her side along with her CD player. When she couldn't sleep, she'd listen to the same Aphex Twin record over and over. Staring at the wood atop her like a corpse in a coffin.

Her phone buzzed against her leg, strewn aside earlier in the day when the bus had lost any little bit of service available. "Shit," she murmured, her mother's name flashing on the screen. Heavy hands lifted it to her ear as her fists rubbed tiresome eyes, trying to feign some sort of consciousness. "Mama?" she whispered, not wanting to wake the others. It wasn't long before a shout came through the speaker. "Stella Cobain, you have just about lost your mind?! Where the hell are you?!" She was surprised it had taken her this long to call. Surely, she would've discovered the note if she had been home? "Mom. Mom. Relax." Hushed whispers broke the silence that lingered amidst light snores. "Relax?! Do you have any idea how sick I am! Oh God, I should be sending the police after you! You're so fucking stupid!" Her face wrinkled as her hand came up to swoop over it. Knowing Courtney, it was possible she'd send a search team after her daughter. Stella hoped she'd get drunk and forget about this all again. The mixture of homesickness, anxiety, and desolation wasn't exactly ideal, she sighed.

"I'm safe. I'm fine. Listen, I'm with a band. They're called-"

"I don't care what they're called! You're getting your ass back to New York this instant!"

"Mama, we're on our way to Philly."

Courtney groaned, shouting into the phone. "You're grounded for a year! Two years! I don't fucking know how long but you're grounded! No more stunts!" The line went dead before the girl could get a word in. Despite having her moments, Courtney had been detached from both of her daughters. Especially after the passing of her husband. Becoming a single mother of two had flipped her world upside down and unbeknownst to her, corrupted the innocence of her eldest. She could feel the homesickness leaving her body as the phone dropped with a thud, curling into the mess of blankets around her. An ambivalent air surrounded her; she no longer wanted to be back in New York, but she didn't want to be in Philadelphia either. Where is home? What is home? The checklist was outlined in her head. Cozy? Barely. Warm? Freezing. Full? No. Love? Home had never been one singular place and at this point she reckoned it never would.

The curtain slid open with a sleepy tug from Julian, startling her. "Jesus!" she whispered, heart racing in her chest and fluttering at his sleepy chuckle. "Not Jesus, just Julian," his hoarse voice sent ripples through her in the dead of the night, "Hi". "What are you doing awake?" she mirrored his smirk, his presence always elicited soft giggles from her, "Couldn't sleep?". The shadow of his head shook, she could barely make out his face in the darkness. Julian's hand reached to cup her cheek as he stood by her bunk, leaning into it, he pressed a kiss to her lips. The short time they'd been on tour had already strengthened the foundation between them. Julian was growing more and more confident, pulling Stella with him. She grinned as they pulled apart, "what was what for?" He shrugged, hand slithering to her stomach peeking from the luscious gap between her shorts and tank top. "Felt like it."

He knew well she hadn't been adjusting as rapidly as the others to touring and had heard Courtney's screams a second ago. "You like tour so far? Gig tomorrow is gonna be great." She nodded, scooting over to make way for him. He hooked himself up and climbed into the tight space, his head hitting the top with a thud. A gasp and a hushed laugh left her mouth as he rubbed his head, "Jeez." He smiled for a second, wincing the next as he tried to keep his own laugh down. Stella bent over in silent laughter emitting only a faint rush of air as he settled into the blankets. His hands wrapping her up into his chest as one stayed firm on her side and the other teased up and down her torso. "You think it's funny? Huh?" he poked her side to which she muffled a yelp. "Julian! Stop!" the insomniacs tried hard to maintain the peace for other sleeping members of their crew. He smirked softly, pulling her in for another kiss. It had become a bit hard to deny that he was taking a liking to this groupie, a preference of sorts. He knew there'd be other girls on the tour soon and it excited him. However, there was something special about these moments with Stella. The way her somber eyes gleamed in the streaks of light, the softness of her skin, the warmth of her breath. She was equally infatuated. Julian tended well to the girl, making sure she was looked after and cared for. Loved. Something she hadn't known much of in her cold upbringing. Giggles faded into the night as his hands slipped off her top, showering her in kisses.