The War Hammer of Hogwarts - Harry Potter

Hagrid Wants an Autograph

Lockhart: It's a simple matter if you know what you're doing!

We quickly hid behind a bush as Lockhart and Hagrid came out of his hut.

Lockhart: If you need help, you know where I am!  I'll let you have a copy of my book!  I'm surprised you haven't already got one.  I'll sign one tonight and send it over.  Well, goodbye!

He strode away towards the castle.  We waited until Lockhart was out of sight, then pulled Ron out of the bush and up to Hagrid's front door.  We knocked urgently.  Hagrid appeared at once, looking very grumpy, but his expression brightened when he saw who it was.

Hagrid: Bin wonderin' when you'd come ter see me, come in, come in.  Thought you mighta bin Professor Lockhart back again.  Falco, nice ter see yeh again.

Falco grinned at him as Harry and Hermione supported Ron over the threshold, into the one roomed cabin, which had an enormous bed in one corner and a fire crackling merrily in another.  Hagrid didn't seem perturbed by Ron's slug problem, which Harry hastily explained as he lowered Ron into a chair.

Hagrid: Better out than in.  Get 'em all up, Ron.

Hermione: I don't think there's anything to do except wait for it to stop.  That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, but with a broken wand...

Hagrid was bustling around, making us tea.  His boar hound, Fang, was slobbering over Harry.

Harry: What did Lockhart want with you, Hagrid?

Hagrid: Givin' me advice on gettin' kelpies out of a well.

He moved a half plucked rooster off his scrubbed table and set down the teapot.

Hagrid: Like I don' know.  An' bangin' on about some Banshee he banished.  If one word of it was true, I'll eat my kettle.

I snorted.  It was unlike Hagrid to criticize a Hogwarts teacher, but this was Lockhart we were talking about.

Hermione: I think you're being a bit unfair.  Professor Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job-

Hagrid: He was the only man for the job.

He offered us a plate of toffee, while Ron coughed squelchily into his basin.

Hagrid: An' I mean the only one.  Gettin' very difficult ter find anyone fer the Dark Arts job. People aren't too keen ter take it on, see.  They're startin' ter think it's jinxed.  No one's lasted long fer a while now.  So tell me, who was Ron tryin' ter curse?

Harry: Malfoy called Hermione something.  It must've been really bad, because everyone went mad.

Ron emerged over the table top, looking pale and sweaty.

Ron: It was bad.

He then dove out of sight again as a fresh wave of slugs made their appearance.

YN: Malfoy called her a Mudblood.

Hagrid gasped, an outraged look on his face.

Hagrid: He didn'...

Hermione: He did, but I don't know what it means.  I could tell it was really rude, of course...

Falco: Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who was Muggle-born.  You know, non-magic parents.  There are some wizards, like Malfoy's family, who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call pure-blood.

Ron gave a small burp, and a single slug fell into his outstretched hand.  He threw it into the basin.

Ron: I mean, the rest of us know it doesn't make any difference at all.  Look at Neville Longbottom, he's pure-blood and he can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up.