The War Hammer of Hogwarts - Harry Potter

Harry Gets Assaulted on Valentines Day

The sun had now begun to shine weakly on Hogwarts again.  Inside the castle, the mood had grown more hopeful.  There had been no more attacks, and Madam Pomfrey was pleased to report that the Mandrakes were becoming moody and secretive, meaning that they were fast leaving childhood.  Perhaps the heir of Slytherin had lost his or her nerve.  It must be getting riskier and riskier to open the Chamber of Secrets, with the school so alert and suspicious.  Perhaps the monster, whatever it was, was now settling itself down to hibernate for another fifty years.  Gilderoy Lockhart seemed to think he himself had made the attacks stop.  I'm as shocked as you are.  We overheard him telling Professor McGonagall so while the Gryffindors were lining up for Transfiguration.

Lockhart: I don't think there'll be any more trouble, Minerva.  I think the Chamber has been locked for good this time.  The culprit must have known it was only a matter of time before I caught them. Rather sensible to stop now, before I came down hard on them.  You know, what the school needs now is a morale booster.  Wash away the memories of last term!  I won't say any more just now, but I think I know just the thing...

He winked and strode off.  Lockhart's idea of a morale booster became clear at breakfast time on February the fourteenth.  When we went to breakfast, we thought that we'd walked through the wrong doors.  The walls were all covered with large, lurid pink flowers.  Worse still, heart shaped confetti was falling from the pale blue ceiling.  Harry, Pieck, and I went over to the Gryffindor table, where Ron was sitting looking sickened, and Hermione seemed to have come over rather giggly.

Harry: What's going on?

Ron pointed to the teachers' table, apparently too disgusted to speak.  And I couldn't blame him.  Lockhart, wearing lurid pink robes to match the decorations, was waving for silence.  The teachers on either side of him were looking stony faced.  From where we sat, I could see a muscle bulging in Professor McGonagall's cheek.  Snape looked as though he was trying not to kill someone.

Lockhart: Happy Valentine's Day!  And may I thank the forty six people who have so far sent me cards!  Yes, I have taken the liberty of arranging this little surprise for you all, and it doesn't end here!

Lockhart clapped his hands and through the doors to the Entrance Hall marched a dozen surly looking dwarves.  Not just any dwarves, however.  Lockhart had them all wearing golden wings and carrying harps.  Pieck and I stared at them in horror.

Lockhart: My friendly, card carrying cupids!  They will be roving around the school today delivering your Valentines!  And the fun doesn't stop here!  I'm sure my colleagues will want to enter into the spirit of the occasion!  Why not ask Professor Snape to show you how to whip up a Love Potion!  And while you're at it, Professor Flitwick knows more about Entrancing Enchantments than any wizard I've ever met, the sly old dog!

Professor Flitwick buried his face in his hands.  Snape was looking as though the first person to ask him for a Love Potion would be force fed poison.  I shot to my feet.

YN: So you're suggesting we break some laws and just force other students to fall in love with us?  What kind of teacher are you?

A good amount of students burst out laughing as I sat down.  Dumbledore looked amused and even Professor McGonagall looked like she was fighting back a smile.  Lockhart looked uncomfortable.  Pieck had fallen out of her seat laughing, and I helped her back up.  As we left the great hall for our class, she pulled me aside.

Pieck: Um, I-I just wanted to say happy Valentines Day.  Obviously I'm not gonna send a dwarf after you.

Her face turned bright red as I grinned at her.

YN: Well it's a good thing you caught me, I was gonna send you two.

She laughed, then leaned forward and pecked me on the cheek.  I stood there, in a trance, as she grabbed my arm and pulled me along towards class.  When we got there, we hurried to our seats, grinning at each other.

Ron: Please, Hermione, tell me you weren't one of the forty six.

YN Of course she was, she likes Lockhart more than she likes us.

Hermione suddenly became very interested in searching her bag for her timetable and didn't answer.  All day long, the dwarfs kept barging into our classes to deliver Valentines, to the annoyance of the teachers.  Only one came to me, which I suspect is because I held a sword up to its face.  Word probably spread quickly not to go for the kid who can form swords out of thin air.  As we were walking upstairs for Charms, one of them caught up with Harry.

Dwarf: Oy, you!  Harry Potter!

YN: Oh, this is gonna be good.

The dwarf was elbowing people out of the way to get to Harry.  Apparently horrified at the thought of being given a Valentine in front of a group of first years, which happened to include Ginny and Falco, Harry tried to escape.  The dwarf, however, cut his way through the crowd by kicking people's shins, and reached him before he'd gone two paces.

Dwarf: I've got a musical message to deliver to Harry Potter in person.

He strummed his harp in a threatening sort of way, as Pieck and I were giggling in the background.

Harry: Not here-

Dwarf: Stay still!

He grabbed hold of Harry's bag and pulled him back.

Harry: Let me go!

With a loud ripping noise, his bag split in two.  His books, wand, parchment and quill spilled onto the floor and his ink bottle smashed over the lot.  Harry scrambled around, trying to pick it all up before the dwarf started singing, causing a hold up in the corridor.

Malfoy: What's going on here?

Harry started stuffing everything feverishly into his ripped bag, desperate to get away before Malfoy could hear his musical Valentine.

Percy: What's all this commotion?

Percy Weasley had arrived.  Losing his head, Harry tried to make a run for it, but the dwarf seized him around the knees and brought him crashing to the floor.

Dwarf: Right!  Here is your singing Valentine!  "His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad, his hair is as dark as a blackboard.  I wish he was mine, he's really divine, the hero who conquered the Dark Lord".

Ava and I were now rolling on the floor, crying from laughing so hard.  Across the hall, Falco was in hysterics, leaning against the wall and gasping for air.  Trying valiantly to laugh along with everyone else, Harry got up as Percy Weasley did his best to disperse the crowd, some of whom were also in hysterics.

Percy: Off you go, off you go, the bell rang five minutes ago, off to class, now.  And you, Malfoy.

We saw Malfoy stoop and snatch up something.  Leering, he showed it to Crabbe and Goyle, and I realized that he'd gotten Riddle's diary.

Harry: Give that back.

Malfoy: Wonder what Potter's written in this?

A hush fell over the onlookers.  Ginny was staring from the diary to Harry, looking terrified.

Percy: Hand it over, Malfoy.

Malfoy: When I've had a look.

Percy: As a school Prefect-

Harry had lost his temper.  He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Malfoy.

Harry: Expelliarmus!

Just as Snape had disarmed Lockhart, Malfoy found the diary shooting out of his hand into the air.  Ron, grinning broadly, caught it.

Percy: Harry!  No magic in the corridors.  I'll have to report this, you know-

YN: Oh, shut up, Percy.

Malfoy was looking furious, and as Ginny passed him to enter her classroom, he yelled spitefully after her.

Malfoy: I don't think Potter liked your Valentine much!

Ginny covered her face with her hands and ran into class.  I glared at Malfoy, and Ron pulled out his wand too, but Harry pulled him away.  Ron didn't need to spend the whole of Charms belching slugs again.  I sighed and followed.  When Ron and I found Harry in our dorm that night, he was sweating and out of breath, sitting on his bed and looking down at the diary.  His head jerked up as we walked in.

YN: Uh... Harry?  You alright?

Harry: It was Hagrid... Hagrid opened the Chamber of Secrets fifty years ago.