My childhood was a series of endless searches for the ideal love. While other kids spent their days carefree playing, I dreamed of a long-lasting relationship, one where we would meet as children and grow up together, become inseparable, and eventually get married. But this dream turned out to be an illusion, one that I desperately pursued, thus losing my childhood joy.
Every relationship started with hope but ended in disappointment. Each failed attempt made me feel more alone and misunderstood. Over time, I realized that in my pursuit of love I lost precious moments that will never come back. I regret sacrificing years of innocence in search of something I couldn't find. I wish I had done something else, anything, to live my childhood the way it should have been.
In my darkest moments, my thoughts veered to the edge of despair. There were moments when I was tempted to give up everything, to escape from this world that seemed to have no place for me. Although I never acted on these thoughts, the pain inside became so intense that I looked for ways to make it go away, even for brief moments. Sometimes the simple act of turning heartache into something visible and tangible seemed to provide temporary relief.
My mother, the only constant in my life, deserved a better child. Every time I look into her eyes, I think of all the times I let her down, all the things I wasn't able to do. I see her looking at me with love and it hurts to know that I was not and will never be the ideal child she would have wanted.
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In the search of Humanity
Nonfiksia human being who loses the context of human life.
