Words.

08.

                                                                                                 ...

it was hard to understand.

it truly was.

a myriad of thoughts cluttered my tiny brain,

as it slowly started to make sense.

how oblivious could i be?

the thought eludes me.

there was a void in your heart that kept expanding,

but my eyes looked away everytime you extended your hand towards me.

how could i be so obstinate?

you let it go.

you held me close to you.

was i the one who kept pushing you away?

indeed i was.

i am caught in a mayhem.

am I incorrigible?

i wish to be ripped off of everything.

everything that makes me happy.

why should you endure the relentless torment when i should be the one to do it?

you make me grateful. grateful of the fact that

you made me realise what sort of a rapacious demon i am.

a monster that strives to exist over other's sympathy.

my self disgusts me.

can't i get better?

you say you're tired.

please never love me.

who would love such an inconvenience like me?

you say you don't want to talk to me.

please trap me into a timeless abyss so i could never get out.

there is no hope of you forgiving me.

the blood looks rustic red. the royal red you see when you slice beetroots to eat.

it contains the tales words could never narrate.

i find solace in its painful and bitter embraces,

because now i don't deserve the pure embraces you blessed me with.

no matter how much i rub it, scratch it, the dirt doesn't go away.

the void is contagious. i feel my heart ripping apart.

you are hurting. incessantly.

i am impelled to incinerate myself; into nothingness.

i swear to not hurt you again.

because if i commit the sin to, 

i will not make the mistake to live again.

just embrace me once,

i swear i will make it right again.