𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝑶𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

Gav

Funny how life can change so much in a short time, its been two months since Bran came out and introduced us to his boyfriend Nikolai, Mia and Lan are working on their relationship.  I'm genuinely happy that the twins have finally found the love of their lives. 

The only problem is the fight club, ever since the truce happened, Heathens and Elites have stayed away from fighting each other. Now that they are dating each other's siblings and friends officially they are taking the truce seriously. As much serious they could be. 

Lan haven't stepped inside the fighting ring in the last two months, Cray cray fought Nikolai once and refused to fight him again when Bran gave him shit for ruining his boyfriend's features. Jeremy and Killian are trying their best to lessen their involvement. So basically I'm out of pure entertainment and the fucker Lan is ghosting me. 

AVA: Meet me at the club today at 5pm. 

AVA: I'm waiting for you Lan, we can practice for few hours and you can go back to Mia

AVA: You seriously are abandoning me?

AVA: This isn't funny anymore you asshole. Didn't take you for a coward. 

That was two days ago. I haven't texted him ever since and he didn't reply me either. I'm more than happy to strangle him and squeeze the life out of his eyes. Last month has been pure torture without having punching as an option. Eli seem to be following me worse than before and I didn't want him to know about my practice so I avoided the fight club mostly. 

However for the last two days everything has become too much to handle. I couldn't control my urge to snap at anyone, I wanted to let my demons out. I want to hurt them badly without any reason. The need to see everyone lying in pool of their own blood rushed through me, I was scared to even look at people.  So I sneaked out of my cello recital early hoping I could avoid getting caught by Eli on my way to fighting club. 

Once inside I confidently gave them Lan's details to get access to the room where we usually practice. If the fucker doesn't want to help me then I will do it on my own. The familiar setting of the room gives me little relief. I wear my gloves focusing on the bag. I pour all my energy with every punch letting the urge, anger and self loathing out into the world. The questions that lives in my head rent-free keeps popping up. 

Why me? What's wrong with me?

How much of a burden I'm to my parents?

How much do I take after her?

Is the rage that consumes me means that I'm turning into her?

I let every punch hurt me badly, I need the pain. Perhaps the urge to see everything in ruin will stop once the pain becomes unbearable. If I suffer enough then her vile genes will stop haunting me from inside. 

I have lost track of my time as I keep going at the bag like a mad woman. My head spins and every part of my body aches. Images from few years back replays in my mind like a picture.

I enter our home after returning from a friend's night I had with my childhood friends. We stayed at Astor Mansion, dancing our heart out, singing songs with wrong lyrics and taking crazy pictures. Typical fifteen year old behavior but who cares. Enjoy your lives while you can.

I don't see my sister anywhere in the hall so I guess she must be in her room sulking about how unfair of me to not take her with me. She is still a kid at twelve so we didn't take her with us. But she likes to pout and sulk pinning it on me. I love my sister but she can be annoying sometimes.

I was about to go to my room when I see two people sitting near the pool area. My parents are so lost in each other that they didn't even see me enter the home. I plan to jump on them from behind so I tiptoe to the pool area when I realize they are in a serious conversation. In fact Mama is pleading to Papa but he isn't listening.

"Please Cole. We talked about this already. It wasn't your mistake" Mama says taking his face in her hands

"If I had been a minute later then you would have lost your life butterfly. Of course its my mistake" Papa's voice sounds so different mixed with sadness and anger. 

Papa never gets sad or angry around us. He is just lovely to us. However he can be a nightmare to others if needed.

"You didn't know. I didn't know. None of us did. When you realized you came straight for me Cole. I am alive because of you"

"I led her to you Silver. She wouldn't have choose you if not for me"

"She would have choose me somehow Husband. Don't overthink. She isn't worth it. "  Mama kisses Papa's forehead.

I don't know whom they are talking about. But someone has tried to hurt Mama and Papa saved her. A chill goes through my body thinking about it.

"A mother isn't supposed to be like her. She is a fucking psycho.  I have a feeling that she killed my father too"  Papa says with so much hatred in his voice catching me off-guard that it takes more than few seconds for me to realize what he said.

No no no. I heard  it wrong. My paternal grandmother cannot be a psycho who tried to kill my Mama. My parents don't talk about her much because I thought they both grieve her loss as she was close to both of them.

I have seen few photos of her with both my parents. She looked normal ,very normal. She always had a wide smile in her face in all the pictures. How can she be a psycho?

"She was mentally ill Cole. None of us suspected. She hid it really well"

"I hate her. I hate her so fucking much. What kind of freak likes to be inflicted in pain or inflicts pain on others all the time?" Papa asks and my stomach turns in disgust.

She likes to do what??

"We are safe now. We have our family to take care of. I know how much it hurts you to think about her but lets  leave her in the past"

"I did butterfly. I don't think of her as my Mum, I don't grieve her loss, I just fucking hate her. She was a monster. She was Gav"

That is the last thing I hear before I leave the place without alerting my parents. Once I am inside my room I slide inside my bed covers and think about whatever I eavesdropped.

When the disgust settled, fear took its place. What if I have got her genes? Papa said she like to inflict pain in others and liked to be in pain herself . May be the urge I'm feeling for the last few months is because I'm slowly turning into her. 

I'm feeling inferno of energy coming deep within me. I struggle to keep it in control. What if this is the starting stage of whatever mental illness she had. 

What will happen when Papa finds out that his eldest is like his Monster Mum. I shake all those thoughts away and told myself again and again that I am not her.

But the truth is I was never the same after that day. After knowing the truth about my grandmother the fear of being her slowly started growing on me. A lone tear falls on my cheek before I break into full of sobs and pass out. 

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Ava thinks she might be carrying Gav's genes. Poor soul is torturing herself.

Why do you all think Lan ghosted her?

Also someone found her at the end. Guess who?

Let me know in the comments about your feedback for the chapter.

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