𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝑶𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆

Breaking the heart

I'm having one of those rage fits again, the familiar itching to get my hands on something or someone and tear them apart. My skin tingles with uneasiness and I keep feeling the anger that is raising in me. I was trying my best to stay away from people, to focus all the energy in playing cello and  keeping myself locked inside my room. But today morning Mama came up and told me we have to visit Uncle Aiden's house. 

Any other time I would've jumped at the opportunity to visit them, but today is definitely not the day. I'm tempted to accept the invitation and see Eli but I'm also afraid I might act out of line at this time. Mama reluctantly agreed to let me stay back until Aunt Elsa called and personally asked me to visit her. I really could never say No to my godmother so I joined my parents and currently sitting at King's Mansion. 

Everyone have gathered and I see my friends chitchatting sitting next to each other. I wish I could be them, I wish I could be carefree as Remi, happy as Glyn or confident as Lan. I can be all of those and still feel scared of myself. I'm tired of being this, I know I need help and I'm determined to get one but not when I'm under my parent's roof. I refused to let them see me as anything other than their perfect daughter. 

As I sit at the corner of the couch away from my friends citing health issues my mind drift to the eldest prince of the King family, the man of my dreams. Eli King has been an enigma to me even before I knew what that meant.

When I was a kid, it was merely an awe factor because he was the eldest. He was tall, serious and matured before everyone of us. Eli was matured even as a kid.

I was six when I first noticed how different Eli is from the rest of us. He spends most of his time with Lan stirring some trouble. However Creigh was always an exception, when he wouldn't want any of us to get an wink of whatever he and Lan does, cray cray always had the front row seat to it.

Though Lan was his partner in crime, he actually cared about his other cousins and the rest of us too. I lost count of how many times he gave us his share of chocolates to us. I knew that probably means he sees us as children. But I was only six and those actions of his made me feel different and it developed into crush once I grow up.

I have seen him punch two kids because they said something really bad about Remi. When the principal asked him the reason behind the display of violence he didn't say anything. At the end the school let him go with warning categorizing as pre-teen behavior.

Later it was me who told Uncle Aiden what happened when I saw him giving shit to Eli. I never understood the glare he sent my way for saving him from his Dad.

I snap out of my thoughts when I see him sneaking his classmate from RES to the other side of the living room leading to the guest rooms. Red hot jealousy fills my veins at the sight of her even after so many years. When they were in high school she would always act like his girlfriend even though Eli never dated anyone.

I follow them ending up in the last guest room and stand outside debating if I should knock at the door. What will I say anyway when Eli opens and asks me what I'm doing here?

Look Eli, I've massive crush on you so don't be with any other girls until I turn eighteen? Of course I can't say that. He will think I've some loose screws at the head.

My knuckles have barely touched the door when I hear them talking making me halt.

"It's been so long, King. Nice to meet you again" her voice drips with fake sweetness.

"What are you doing at my home? I never asked you to come" Eli's tone expresses his displeasure.

"Lan told me it will be a great idea to surprise you. He asked me to come" she says cheerfully as if she didn't hear him speak.