FEEL

12. Nodus Tollens

Nodus Tollens ~ the realization that the plot of your life does not make sense to you anymore.

~ The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows ~

~°~

Just to concisely describe my state, I'm awestruck.

It's like he doesn't get any more incredible than he already is.

I'm in a private library of the sort, three walls filled with bookshelves except for the one where the door lies. There's a mahogany desk at the north center, leather seat behind it and neatly packed essentials on top. Under Mr Pierce's scrutiny, I scan the room with wide, bewildered eyes.

I move to make a further entrance when something feathery crawls along my leg. With a breathless shriek, I jump, clutching Mr Pierce's arm with his sweater balled in my fist.

“What is it?” Panic hides beneath his gentle voice.

“I don't know...” I look to the floor, immediately finding the source of the strange sensation. It must have been passing when it brushed against my leg.

Mr Pierce laughs fruitfully. “It's just Gracie.”

“Gracie?”

“Are you afraid of cats?”

I look down at the creature at my feet. Gracie. It seems to sense my hesitation towards it and walks away smoothly, as if whether or not I like her didn't matter to her.

“Oh,” I breathe. “You have a cat.”

“She was a birthday gift from my niece. A default one, really, because her snowshoe cats had kittens and they were already giving them away. I'm grateful, though.” He follows the feline behind his desk. Looks to me. “Do you want her out?”

My head shakes. “Of course not. She just caught me off guard. I don't have a problem with cats.”

Imagine how aggravated poor Gracie might be when she's told to get out of a room in her own home just because of some uninvited guest. I don't know much about her, but she seems like the type who refuses to tolerate nonsense.

I follow him to the desk where the kitty has settled over his closed laptop. “Get off of there, darling,” he tells her off while gently picking her up and placing her onto the ground. “You know you're not allowed on my desk.”

“I didn't think you of a pet person.”

Mr Pierce chuckles, short, then replies, “I'm not. Frankly, I'm still figuring the whole thing out. I can't tell if I'm doing it right.”

“There is no right way to provide love and care, I think. She can feel it, though. She can feel that you're trying. Your best, that's enough.”

“You seem to relate to her.”

My voice is monotone when I say, “I can tell what it's like to depend on someone, I guess, just like anyone. It isn't really fair, that we're all brought into this world unable to fend for ourselves, into situations we didn't ask for, and we have no choice but to depend on people who have no experience in what they're doing. Some who can't even take care of themselves, let alone someone else.”

“Life's fairer than you think,” he challenges.

“That's stupid.” I didn't mean to make it sound so harsh.

One of his eyebrows rise. “And why's that?”

I hesitate. My eyes fall away from him. “I don't know. I'm sorry.”