FEEL

44. Evertheless

Evertheless ~ the fear that this is ultimately as good as your life is ever going to get.

~ The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows ~

~°~

I tap my pen lightly on the table as my gaze fixed to the worksheet in front of me. The clock hung on the wall at the top center of the room ticks loudly across the entire class, the monotone sound creating a mundane rhythm. With strict discretion, I lift my eyes over to the right front of the class where Cameron's desk is situated.

His reading classes hang low on his eyes as he stares down at the screen of the laptop in front of him. There's a concentrated frown across his features. He must be reading something important, I assume. The rays of the sun cascade through the windows and hit his frame. His dark hair shines under the light, eyes becoming brighter as they adapt a more chrystlic color under the sun's gaze. The baby blue button down shirt he wears doesn't help alleviate the fiery charm of his eyes, nor the appeal of his muscly arms and chest.

I glance back down the moment a shadow of desire falls over me. Wanting him is exhausting. It's like I have room for nothing else in my head. Perhaps it's why I put him above Breanna and Kayla and even whatever the name of the blonde boy I kissed in the hallway was. He becomes my first thought, everyone else comes last.

I hate it.

I have barely written anything on my worksheet when a small folded paper falls onto my desk. With a frown, I pick it up and unfold it.

Meet me in the bathroom ;) ~ Austin

Austin? I lift my gaze and scope around the classroom for who could have left this on my desk. When I look to the back of the class, the boy I had kissed in the hallway is smiling at me. He gestures down to the note with a nod of his head and I look back at it again.

My first thought is that he has the audicity of the devil, asking me such a thing. I'm not stupid enough not to know why he wants to meet me there. He must have thoight too much of that kiss. But then I feel the pressure of a certain pair of blue eyes on me and sure as anything, when I look up, Cameron's attention is on me

He eyes the note in my hand curiously, like if he looked hard enough, he could read it from there. He subtly glances around the classroom, just as I did, perhaps to find its sender. I could shrivel it up right now and toss it away, to alleviate whatever concerns have his eyebrows so scrunched up. It's what I want to do, anyway. But then again, I have nothing better to do with my life. Breanna hates me and whatever friendship would have become of me and Kayla is ruined after this morning.

So, I turn back to face Austin, who still hasn't stopped looking at me. A curt nod tells him yes, and his grin spreads triumphantly.

Then he lifts his hand up. "Mr Pierce, may I go to the bathroom, please?"

Without looking up from his laptop, Cameron says, "Take a pass."

Austin lifts from his seat and goes to grab a pass from Cameron's desk. I follow him with my eyes as he hastily makes for the door. He spares me a final glance, as if to seal our agreement before disappearing out into the hallway. I ignore the familiar weight of a cloudy blue glare on me and focus back on the worksheets in front of me.

I release breath. Two minutes. I'll wait at least two minutes before following after him. I act busy for a while, writing gibberish on my worksheet while counting down the time in my head. I take another breath to muster up some courage before lifting my hand.

And then he looks at me.

Not just that, but he takes his glasses off, disregards whatever he was doing on his laptop and grants me his full attention. It should be a good thing, but the underlying tension beneath his orbs forewarn me.