My Annoying Brother

25

25.

After leaving me at the rooftop Joshua went to my friends to verify the things I told him. I guess he doesn't believe me after all. And I can't feel sad as well since his guess was right. Vernon told him everything and Seung Kwan also talked to him. He became soft again. But no one mentioned about Lee Chan and me doing that horrible thing. Joshua and my relationship went back to being the same. But for some reason I couldn't feel same as before for Joshua anymore. Lee Chan has been stuck in my mind for an unknown reason. I don't want to think about him. But I find myself unconsciously thinking about him most of the time.

As time passed, I thought I would eventually get over all of this. But it seems like can't get over. Whenever I see Lee Chan, I just feel his lips on mine. I somehow crave for that. I want to kiss him. What am I even thinking? Even though I'm adopted, he is still my brother. My annoying brother.

I try to act normal like before with Joshua, so he won't know that my feelings for him are long gone. But I feel so depressed. I feel like dying inside. I feel the urge to tell Joshua everything every day. But I just can't gather the courage. I can't bring myself to tell him that while he was away for the competition, I cheated on him with my adoptive brother. How absurd! But I can't keep up this acting anymore. I smile and laugh with everyone just as before. Acting like nothing ever happened. My relationship with my dad, my brothers, my friends and my boyfriend didn't change because of the incident. But I can feel that Lee Chan and I got more distant. Even though we were never close anyways, still we used to talk. We used to fight. We used to look at each other's face. But now it seems like a sin to look at each other.

I guess I should try to make things better. Not telling Joshua and keeping him in the dark, I'm fooling him. And not telling Joshua that my feelings for him have died, I'm fooling myself. I've decided that I'll tell him this and end it once and for all.

I call Joshua and tell him to meet me at the East Park on the weekend. We decide to meet up at 4. I think Joshua took it as a date. We never went out on any official date since our relationship was supposed to be a secret. After the blow up at school, Joshua told everybody that it was just a misunderstanding between him and me. And it had nothing to do with my pregnancy rumor and all. And he made it clear to everybody that he was single.

As it wasn't a date for me, and I was going to breakup with Joshua I didn't give many efforts in dressing up. I just wore one of my peach crop tops and white jeans. Joshua wore a white t-shirt and over that he wore a full sleeve sage green shirt and champagne pants. He set his hair differently today. I can see he didn't wear his usual watch. He is wearing a fancier one today, a Rolex. He waved at me with a big smile on his face as soon as he saw me and then ran towards me.

He looked so happy. I was about to get myself together and tell him and then he said that he wanted eat ice cream.

"Let's get ice creams."

And it never ended. I had to do everything he said, and it turned out to be an actual date instead of me breaking up with him. We went boating on the park's lake as well. It was already sunset, and I still couldn't tell him. Joshua seemed like he was going to do something again. He took a small box out of his pocket and opened it in front of me. There was a necklace inside. I could feel where this was going. If I don't stop this right now, then there is no going back.