Sometimes Camila thinks about the kiss. She can still feel how desperately Lauren was holding onto her. She can still feel the way her body ignited under the girl's touch. Some nights, she's kept awake by the memory.
Tonight isn't one of those nights, though. Because there hasn't been a visitor in the apartment in four days (Camila has counted), and Lauren won't give Camila an explanation for the bloody washcloth she found in the bathroom (also, four days ago).
So now they're sitting on the same couch. And Camila is tracing patterns in the clear plastic that she's grown to hate.
She takes a drag from the cigarette before passing it over to Lauren. When the girl doesn't take it, Camila raises an eyebrow at her. Lauren's lips are parted and she flicks her tongue in between her teeth. Camila bites down on her bottom lip and gently places the cigarette in the other girl's mouth. She doesn't look long enough to see the satisfied smile that spreads across Lauren's face.
Lauren stomps out the last of the cigarette on the floor before drawing a brand new one from the pack on the coffee table.
Camila inhales sharply when Lauren crawls across the couch, one end of the cigarette between her teeth. And suddenly, Lauren is hovering above her. Camila doesn't dare breathe.
The dark haired girl traces her thumb across Camila's bottom lip, which sends tingles in the form of chills down her spine. The smaller girl visibly tenses, watching as Lauren leans in even closer and prods at her closed lips. When Camila parts them, Lauren slips the end of the cigarette in between her teeth and pulls away, using her lighter to bring the flame between them and light the stick.
Camila feels her heart pounding frantically against her chest. Everything inside of her is screaming for her to abandon the cigarette and go straight for Lauren. But for some reason she breathes in slowly, holding the smoke in her mouth before passing the cigarette back to Lauren with a shaky hand.
Moments later, Lauren is stomping the cigarette out on the floor with reckless abandon and suddenly their bodies were close. So close, in fact, that Camila can feel the girl's warm breath beating against her neck.
And every cell in her body is screaming 'touch her, touch her,' but Lauren was a work of art and Camila could not ruin her. She'd already done enough of that.
Camila doesn't think she will ever forget the look on Lauren's face when she pushes her off of the couch. There is a coil built tightly in her chest, shrinking her heart down and down and down and Camila knows she can't look back at Lauren without giving in.
So she retreats to the roof, ignoring the green eyed girl's pleas from behind her. She is both relieved yet disappointed when Lauren doesn't follow her.
Camila lights another cigarette, losing count of how many she's burned out in one day. Her mind is still screaming at her for leaving. But Camila didn't want to be a replacement. She was already in enough pain seeing someone with Lauren and knowing she could never have her. If she had a chance, it would surely crush her (more like break her into over a million scattered pieces, but Camila prefers not to face the severity of her situation).
She lets her legs dangle over the edge of the roof. She's not scared. She has control over everything.
Except for Lauren.
And that's what terrifies her.
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covers ➸ a camren one shot
Fanfiction"And every cell in her body is screaming ‘touch her, touch her,’ but Lauren was a work of art and Camila could not ruin her. She’d already done enough of that."
