Nothing Left (Andy Biersack Fic)

Chapter 2 - Confusion

What's going on? Where am I? Am I... dead?

I'm in a seemingly dark, motionless void. Devoid of all color, like I'm blind. My surroundings eerily silent, as if sound wasn't possible here. I should be confused, scared even, but I don't feel any particular emotion. I... I don't think I can.

I feel nothing. Not the moving of my chest when I would breathe, not the movement of my limbs, not a single sensory gland in action. It feels as if I don't have a physical body at all. I feel a type of weightless I never thought possible. 

The only thing I'm conscious of are my thoughts, but I have no memory. I don't know who I am, what I am, or what's happening. It's like I am only a string of thoughts at the moment. I feel like I am trapped here, but not as if I have been forced or choose to. I'm just here. The sheer idea of being completely alone like this should make me feel terrified, but I just can't. I can't feel anything.

Although it seems as though I have no body or feeling, I feel as though I'm being dragged down. Like everything's getting heavier and heavier. It's... It's become suffocating. Like I feel the pressure of being chocked all around me, but there's no hands. I want to feel scared, but I can't. I can only idly wait for what's coming to me. Thoughts racing fast as things get cloudy and more heavy. I feel like I'm disappearing. Sinking, now I'm sinking. What seems like memories flash before me and disappear, not giving me a chance to comprehend them. My thoughts now not making much sense as everything becomes too much.  As I sink further and further, being swallowed by the suffocation, I only have one vague thought left.

I'm dying-

My eyes shoot open as I gasp in air painfully. "She's awake!" A man exclaims. I hack desperately trying to breath as I cough up liquid. I try to lift my hand to wipe it, but someone pins my arm down and puts something that feels like a mask over my mouth. The feeling of air going in and out replaces my feeble attempts at it. 

"Don't worry sweetie, don't strain yourself. We'll take good care of you," I hear a women say in a warm soft voice. My visions hazy and I can't see very well, but I can make out at least 3 figures above me. They're all moving around doing something, but I can't make out what exactly. It feels like they're touching me, but I can't feel it like I normally would. I guess I'm numb or something. Morphine, probably. 

Then it hits me. The murders, the killer, me running, the kicks, the stab. But the ones that I really remember were the ones I didn't want to. The memory of my mom and dad's faces as the life leaves them. The look of pure sadness and pain as the life in their eyes leave. The looks pleading for help or some type of release. The look of prey. I can only imagine the kind of pain they went through and how worried they were before they passed. I felt hot tears sliding out of my eyes and immense pain rise in my chest. 

I especially didn't want to remember this one, anything but this one. I didn't want to remember the lifeless, limp body of my baby sister. A BABY. An innocent child who barely got a chance to live, to grow. She had so much ahead of her. She didn't even get to crawl yet! I start sobbing harder as the pain in my chest grew further. Why did it have to happen to her. Layiya, the only sibling I had. Why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't he just let her live? Why did it happen to us. Why did it have to happen to a happy family? We did nothing wrong... It's harder to breath with how much I'm crying and someone, I assume the lady before, starts stroking my hair comfortingly. 

"Shhh, it's okay. It'll all be okay, You're safe now," she said softly. You don't understand. I don't care for my safety, I would risk my life for my family, but I couldn't do anything. Not a thing. its all my fault. If I couldn't have saved my parents, I could've at least saved my sister. I was utterly pathetic. How incredibly stupid could I be to forget her. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I didn't think of anyone but myself. I was too selfish. It's my fault Layiya died. 

I feel the movement stop and hear what sounds like doors open and me being wheeled out of by the people in, what I assumed, was an ambulance. The bed I'm on moves quickly as the people talk fast and urgently about my condition. No... Just let me die. Please

"She's in critical condition and needs surgery right away. She was stabbed mainly in the intestines, just grazing her kidney," I heard someone say. Great. Now I have to worry about if my insurance will cover this. Not all insurances cover surgeries full price. I don't even wanna live. Of course their not gonna let me kill myself. At least that asshole didn't kill my kidney.

"Is she okay? What's happening?!" I hear someone with a deep, worried voice call out. "Sir, you need to stay back," I guess one of the doctors say. Who was that? Why are they worried? I can't see anything clearly still. I feel a sharp pain at my side and let out a pained cry. 

"Okay Sapphire, I'm doctor Winston and what's happening is your in a hospital about to go into surgery. I need you to stay calm and trust us. We'll make sure your okay," a male voice says. The "mask" that was helping me breath before was removed and a new one was put on. It feels like a different type of air is in it. I realize it's probably local anesthetics for surgery. As I slowly loose consciousness, I think of that angel-like voice I heard from earlier.  "I'll protect you"~