erik menendez // if you love me..don't let go

chapter twenty-one

Erik's POV

I was officially unwell. 

Here I was, sitting in the hallway against the door that belonged to the one girl who's made my heart beat for more than just me. If three months ago, you told me I was doing this, I would've never believed you. I didn't believe in feeling so much love for someone. I never knew someone could be capable of that. In my house, the word love was never thrown around, and it sure as hell was never shown either. The only love i've experienced is with Lyle, my brother, because he's always stuck around through everything and has been there for me when nobody else was. My parents didn't treat me with love and care, they didn't make me chocolate chip pancakes on my birthday, they never sung or read to me to sleep, and they've never listened to the things I want for my life.

But Scarlett. Scarlett. She made me feel so many things. She made me so angry that i've finally found someone I could confront in, and I didn't want to. But she also made me feel such a high, like if I came down from her, I wouldn't be the same, or okay. She made me forget all that is wrong. I would sleep just so I could see her in my dreams.

But now I couldn't get any sleep. It got to a point where seeing her in my dreams just wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed to feel her, see her, be pieced together. I needed to hear her voice, hear and feel her thoughts. I couldn't bare any more time without her. But after everything she saw, she must've been traumatized. And now there was no way she was going to ever want to talk to me. I wouldn't be able to explain what really happened. And If I got the chance, how could I explain that? All that would happen would her being more confused, because what I went through was not a normal thing that happens in families. Father's don't rape their sons.

Scarlett's POV

My eyes were heavy and my limbs felt like a ton of bricks. My cheeks felt dry from the amount of tears that had stained them, but I could still taste a hint of salt as I licked my chapped lips. The pounding in my chest had slowed down, except now it felt too slow. Like if I held my breath for a second too long, my heart would forget to beat. Every time I swallowed, I felt my raw throat and a bad pain would flood through me.

The door I was leaning against suddenly banged, but only once. And then I heard a quiet, "Ouch.".

If my face didn't hurt so much, I would've laughed. That voice belonged to Erik. So he had stayed there the whole night, just like me.

"Erik?" I asked through cracked lips. I was not about to waste these last few days on our trip holding a grudge about something I didn't have any information on. We were going to talk this through and all would be fine. Tonight, I would come to his room, Jose wouldn't be there, and we would cuddle and be happy.

A pained sigh was heard on the other side of the door. "Scarlett."

My heart jumped and skipped a beat.

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah."

Slowly, I got up from my sitting position. Dizziness quickly took over me and both my feet were asleep, so I had to hold on to the nearby dresser for support.

"You have to open the door."

I mentally face palmed myself for being so stupid. Did I think he was just going to open the door?

"Right." I whispered, mostly to myself.

Seeing Erik looking so pained broke my heart into pieces.

"Hi." He pursed his lips together and looked at me with bright eyes, although they seemed so dark and tired at the same time.

"Hey." I breathed out, clasping my hands together around my back.

He peered his head through, looking around the room. "Can we go to my room?" He asked, meeting my eyes again.

"Yeah," I vigorously nodded my head. "Let's go."

Erik's POV

Walking into my room, I could imagine Scarlett was getting flashbacks from last night when she got herself into all this mess.

"Come here." I walked us over to the bed, grasping her hand in mine as if I needed to hold onto her with all of my might. Like if I let go, she would never come back.

We lied down on our sides, facing each other. My foot lightly brushed hers, but I didn't move it, and she didn't move hers either. Scarlett's hand moved towards my face and lightly cupped my cheek. My eyes fluttered and I blew out a shaky breath, finally getting the touch that I needed. 

"Can I explain everything?" I asked.

She stared at me as if she was studying me for a bit before replying. "Yeah."

This was going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I've been through rape and molest, yet this felt like walking through hell and back. Once I told her this, I wouldn't be able to go back. She would have it forever imprinted in her mind and in her heart. Every time she would look at me, she would not just see me, but through me. She would see every thing that I've been through and that would be all she sees. She wouldn't see that mask that I hide behind everyday, and that was scary. I was absolutely terrified of the things that would change, if they did.

But it was something that had to happen. I wouldn't be able to avoid this my whole life, if I did, me and Scarlett would never happen, and I couldn't handle that. It always had to be me and Scarlett. And so I told her everything.