erik menendez // if you love me..don't let go

chapter twenty-nine

Unsteady - X Ambassadors

Scarlett's POV

It was pouring. You would think the rain would have muffled my cries, but if anything, they were even louder.

"You can't do this, Erik," I sniffled and licked my salty lips. "Please don't leave!"

My clothes were seeping with water and my body started to tremble not with tears, but because I was now freezing. My teeth were chattering and my ears felt like they were going to get chopped off.

"How can I convince you to stay?" I looked up at him with such genuine eyes, trying to read him. Needing an answer.

He hesitated. "You can't."

But the look on his face told me otherwise. He loved me. I knew it. I knew it from how he looked at me and the way he almost said another word instead of "care" when saying he cared too much about me. I knew that he meant he loved me too much.

I took a big step closer to him until I could feel his heart beat on mine. Until our chests were rising together. I placed a hand on his heart. "You...you love me, Erik." Endless tears streamed down my face. I raised one of his hands and put it on my heart so he could feel just how fast it was beating. It was beating for him. "Right? You love me too much and you can't handle it."

When he didn't answer, I let go of his hand and shoved his chest lightly. He didn't move an inch. "Say it! Say that you love me! Say it."

No answer. This time, I shoved his chest more forcefully with both of my hands. He stumbled back just a bit, but didn't seem affected by it nonetheless.

"Erik."

"Scarlett." My breath hitched when he finally spoke. It was barely heard over the thunder, but it was still spoken.

"You do love me, right?" I asked, keeping my hands latched onto him, not being able to let go.

His head bowed down so I couldn't see his broken features. "Yes. I do." He whispered.

What I thought would happen when he said he loved was that I was going to be so happy and bounce up and down. But instead, it made me feel even more miserable than before.

"Say it." I grimly said. "Say that you love me. I need to hear it."

A sob escaped from his lips and my knees buckled. I couldn't take this. I felt like I was fighting with a wall but I also felt like I was fighting with a little boy who's experienced the worst trauma. I slowly fell down to the concrete of the parking lot, bringing Erik down with me. We were now both on our knees facing each other, but his face was covered. He dragged his hands across his face in an attempt to cover up the more cries he let out, but it didn't work. I heard every hitch of his breath, every sniffle he took, and it absolutely tore me apart.

"I love you, Scarlett." He finally said, though it was mumbled through tears and rain. "I love you so much it physically hurts. I love you so much that I need you to stay away from me. Every time we're close, I have the need to be closer. But I shouldn't have that need. I shouldn't be so dependent on you if we're going to leave each other someday. So I have to do it now. If we wait any longer, I wouldn't be able to survive. I wouldn't be able to survive having to look at you but not being able to touch you. Having to go on all these business trips with you but not being able to stay close by you. I can't do that to myself. I can't do that you, Scarlett." After every sentence, he would take time to let out another sob, but I still could hear everything. I could hear his thoughts and emotions. But I just couldn't understand them.

"I don't get it," My face cracked with despair. "I don't get it. You love me! Look at me!"

His eyes met mine and lighting flashed in the sky. His eyes illuminated for a quick second, but then the loudest boom of thunder was heard, darkening his eyes once more.

"If you love me, then why leave? It doesn't make sense!" I wanted to scratch and claw at him. To shove and shake him until his mind finally made sense. His brain was all jumbled and he wasn't in the right mind. He couldn't be, he couldn't actually want this for us.

"If you love me, please, don't let go." I said quietly.

His eyes looked everything but absent, so I knew he was listening to me. But for some reason, I still didn't think he understood. Understood that just because you love someone so much, it doesn't mean you have to break their heart, bandage it, and then break it again.

When he didn't say anything, I leaned forward and placed my head on his chest. I was uncontrollably sobbing and it felt so good to feel his touch. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could hear his heart against my head. It was pounding so hard. I knew mine was too, I could feel it. It felt like if it beat any faster, it would explode and run out of my chest for the world to see. So everyone could see just how this boy made me feel. My boy. He was my boy, yet he was planning on running away. Running away from everything we've built up. If he ran away, there would be no Erik and Scarlett. But there had to be Erik and Scarlett. It just made sense. Scarlett alone didn't make sense. Erik alone didn't make sense. The only right way was Erik and Scarlett. But at that moment, I had no idea whether or not there was going to be Erik and Scarlett. His actions were telling me there was, considering he actually didn't get up and run away, but his words were telling me otherwise.

But I didn't want to think about the future or the past. Because when Erik slowly enveloped me in his arms, I felt the most amount of safeness and comfort. I could feel the pressure of his touch, and it was everything.