God's way

Part 7

Nadiira and I were on our way to the movies. It was Friday night, and we'd been looking forward to seeing the new action film everyone was talking about. Nadiira wore a vibrant, patterned hijab that made her stand out in the dim evening light. We laughed and talked about everything under the sun, from the latest gossip at school to what snacks we'd get for the movie.

When we got to the theater, it was crowded. People were milling around, waiting for their showtimes, and the smell of popcorn filled the air. Just as we reached the line to get our tickets, I spotted a familiar face. Sayjan. He was with a few of his friends, laughing and looking relaxed. The sight of him caught me off guard. I hadn't expected to see him here, and by the look on his face, he hadn't expected to see me either.

Our eyes met for just a second, but I could see the flash of panic in his expression. His friends were talking and laughing, oblivious, but he glanced around, almost as if to make sure no one had noticed us noticing each other. My heart sank a little; I knew exactly what he was thinking.

He'd said it was complicated. His voice had been low and apologetic, and I could see the struggle in his eyes as he'd tried to explain. It wasn't that he was ashamed of me, he'd said, but his world was different, and he was scared.

Now, as he stood there with his friends, I could see him shift uncomfortably, trying to act normal. I felt a pang of frustration mixed with a strange sadness. All I wanted was to say "hi," to talk to him like we could if things were simpler, but the distance between us was more than just the crowd in the lobby.

"Adma," Nadiira whispered, nudging me with her elbow and smirking. "I saw that."

"Saw what?" I muttered, trying to play it cool, but my voice betrayed me.

"Oh, come on. You and Sayjan had a moment," she teased, grinning from ear to ear.

I rolled my eyes at her.

As we waited in line, I tried to focus on Nadiira's chatter about the movie and what snacks she was craving, but I kept stealing glances in Sayjan's direction. He was standing there, pretending to be absorbed in his friends' conversation, but every now and then, his eyes darted over to me, just for a split second, and then away. Each glance felt like a small spark that only I could feel, yet it was buried under layers of caution and unspoken words.

I wanted to go over to him, to say something that would break this awkwardness. But every time I thought about it, I could hear his words echoing in my mind: "Nobody can know about us." It stung every time I remembered. I'd tried to brush it off, telling myself it didn't matter—that it was just how things had to be. But tonight, standing so close yet feeling miles away, it hurt in a way I hadn't expected.

Nadiira must have noticed my distraction because she nudged me again, her eyes narrowing. "You sure you're okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I forced a laugh. "I'm fine."

She didn't buy it, of course. Nadiira knew me better than anyone, and I could see the concern creeping into her expression. 

"Adma, if there's something going on, you know you can tell me, right?" Her voice was softer now, the playful tone gone.

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could say anything, Sayjan and his friends started moving toward the theater entrance. I watched him walk away, feeling that familiar ache in my chest. He glanced back one last time, and our eyes met again, just for a heartbeat. There was something in his gaze—something unspoken, a mix of regret and apology. And then he turned, disappearing into the crowd.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but my heart was racing. I hated feeling this way—like I was hiding a part of myself, even from my best friend. But what could I say? How could I explain the quiet, secret moments with Sayjan, or the way he made me feel when no one else was around?