You make me feel special

Chapter 18

My clothes were bloody. I felt muddy. I couldn't wait for a shower. I felt like burning these clothes. Burning the memories. The old and new. Aligned. Now what am I to do? I felt more and more like the void. Feel like I'm speaking in riddles. Writing poems. Just strange. Sometimes I'm cryptic. Sometimes I'm straight to the point. I haven't taken a seat yet. Now is not the time. Why does this happen? I know the reason but sometimes it's just good to question it. Maybe I just like asking questions. Whether they have an answer or not doesn't seem to bother me anymore. I have changed. I feel more alive than what I did before. I felt more connected. I felt both sides of me just being me. I don't feel split anymore. I don't feel like I'm fighting anything on the inside anymore. We walk into the prison's doors. No pure humans were out the front, they have left us alone. I look around. Knowing that this will be the last time to observe this place. Commit it to memory. Memories. Everyone was doing their own thing. I felt nothing, maybe this is what peace feels like. I felt contempt. Not many people knowing that I'm married to Aiden. Not something that seems like a need to know. It's strange being able to call him my husband. I'm still getting used to the word coming off my tongue. We stayed a few more nights at the soldiers' camp. Now we are back. Everyone noticed when we walked in. I think it was the blood. We all had a bit of blood on us. Most of it was mine and Zagen's. Well obviously, we were the only people to really bleed. We did share the blood around. The mud was from all the rain. We couldn't head back sooner than what we wanted. We did slip sometimes. Sometimes we threw mud at the other. Creating memories, I guess you could say. I would like to remember this. The smiles on everyone's faces. The ease and peace that we all felt. Free. Aiden looked more relaxed. He looked freer. My love for him always seems to deepen. Especially when he's happy or contempt. I look up at him. I feel my heart warm. He looks down at me with a smile. He always knows. But, so do I. I look away and back at the people staring at us. Probably wondering what happened. I don't blame them.

"You're back!" One of them exclaimed walking over to us.

"What happened?" Another asks.

"Enough questions please." Jason said looking tired. "Let us get changed and showered before the interrogations."

We all go our separate ways. Even though we were all going in the same direction. Considering our quarters are near each other. Once I was in the shower. I let the water wash the blood and mud away. All I could think about was that Aiden would be moving into my room with me. The thought excited me a little. We didn't come back with any other soldiers. But they were welcome to come back. Jason, Nick, Aiden and I wanted to make this trip alone. Sila and Asra needed to figure something else out first before they joined us. Once I was in fresh clean clothes I laid down on my bed. I looked over to where Shadow would be sleeping. But it felt empty. I sigh. But not out of sadness. Not out of contempt. But because of the absence. I look up at the ceiling. I felt my eyes get heavy. I let them close. But I knew this feeling wouldn't be peaceful.

"Nova." A voice called out to me. "Nova."

I felt nothing. I saw nothing. But I felt the pain of it all.

"How could this happen?" The voice asked. "It doesn't make sense."

"Unless it was self-inflicted." Another voice said.

"Tell me why she would do that?" The voice asked angrily. "Why would she light herself on fire."

"She got what she wanted." The other voice said angrily. "So, silence. We will not discuss this any further."

"Why not father?" The voice yelled with fury, with pain.

"Azrael, I said enough!" The other voice boomed causing silence to fall.