Drugs

It hits home

Meredith returned to the room, her composure back in place. She had to. The patient still needed her. But it wasn't just him. She was fighting her own demons while trying to save someone else. 

"You okay? Like really okay?" Derek asked worried

Meredith nodded, though the answer was a lie. 
"I'm fine. We need to focus on him" she replied

And for the rest of the shift, she did. She pushed her personal battle aside, burying it in the work. But every breath she took, every movement she made, felt like a struggle. 

Inside, she wasn't fine. She was terrified. 

But she would keep going. She had to.

-
It was already 9 p.m., normally she wouldn't stay this long, but the overdosed patient took all day. It was exhausting. She walked out of the hospital, straight to her car, getting in and driving off. She needed to go home. She was craving something, all day.

When she arrived at home, she immediately head upstairs. She sat down at the edge of the bed, staring at the bag in front of her.Her heart pounded in her chest as she tore the bag open. She reached for the straw, almost mechanically, the decision already made. She couldn't stop now. She couldn't handle it.

The world seemed to slow as the substance hit her bloodstream, her body momentarily light and her mind foggy, the pain blurring at the edges. For a fleeting second, the numbness she craved washed over her, and the overwhelming pressure inside her chest started to recede.

It felt like an escape.

-

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but hours later, I was jolted awake by a knock at the door. Groggy, I stumbled over and opened it. Standing there, staring back at me with piercing blue eyes, was Derek. 

What the hell is he doing here? Did he find out? 

"What are you doing here? It's midnight," I said, my voice rough. 

"Sorry," he replied, looking genuinely apologetic. "I just wanted to check on you. You seemed so off today. That's not like you." 

"Oh, um... I'm fine now," I mumbled, forcing a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. 

"Meredith," he said softly, stepping closer. "You can talk to me. I really do care about you." 

"I—thanks, but there's nothing to talk about." 

He hesitated, his gaze searching mine. "Well, can I come in then? Because it's freezing out here." 

"Fine," I said with a sigh. "But I need to go upstairs. You can hang out in the living room if you want." 

"Okay, thanks." 

I gave him another half-hearted smile and walked away, leaving him to make himself comfortable. Upstairs, I sat on the edge of my bed, resting my head on my knees. My heart was racing, and I needed a moment to steady myself. I could still feel his concerned eyes on me, even from downstairs. 

After a few deep breaths, I finally went back down. Derek was sitting on the couch, looking far too at home. 

"I'm probably going to bed soon," I said. "So if you want to stay, you'll have to sleep upstairs." 

He nodded, standing. "That's fine." 

"Um, but you'll need to sleep in my bed," I added quickly, avoiding his gaze. "Alex is crashing in the guest room." 

"That's no problem." 

Together, we headed upstairs. As we entered my room, my eyes immediately landed on a small bag sitting on the shelf. My stomach dropped. How had I forgotten it was there? 

I moved quickly, grabbing the bag and stuffing it into my pocket, hoping Derek wouldn't notice. He didn't say anything, but I felt his eyes on me, curious, maybe even suspicious. 

"I'm just going to the bathroom for a minute," I said, avoiding his gaze as I slipped out of the room. 

"Sure," he replied, his tone casual, but there was an edge to it. 

In the bathroom, I stared at my reflection, my hands trembling. I could feel the weight of the bag in my pocket like it was burning a hole there. Derek didn't know—at least, not yet. But he wasn't stupid. 

He was starting to suspect something.