Drugs

Craving

Hours passed, and the weight of Derek's words still clung to me. I tossed and turned, my mind racing. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw that damn bag. I couldn't stay here, not with him so close, not with his questions circling like vultures.

Quietly, I slipped out of bed. Derek stirred but didn't wake as I crept out of the room. Downstairs, I paced the living room, feeling the pull—the need—like a clawing ache in my chest. I knew where I'd hidden the rest of it. Just one more time. Just enough to take the edge off.

I made my way to the kitchen, opening a drawer and pulling out a small bag. My hands trembled as I pried it open.

"Meredith?"

I froze, the bag slipped from my hands and clattered onto the counter. Derek stood in the doorway, his face shadowed but his eyes sharp, cutting through the darkness.

"What's going on?" His voice was steady but laced with concern. He stepped closer, his gaze flicking to the bag "Is that what I think it is?"

My throat went dry. "Derek, it's not—"

"Don't," he said softly, shaking his head. "Just tell me the truth."

For a moment, I thought about lying, about brushing it off with some excuse. But the look in his eyes stopped me. He already knew—or at least, he was close enough to the truth.

"I—" My voice cracked, and I looked away. "It's nothing. It's just...to help me relax."

He was quiet for a long time, and the silence was unbearable. Finally, he said, "Meredith, this isn't you. Whatever this is, it's not the answer."

I clenched my fists, the weight of his words sinking in. "You don't understand," I whispered. "You don't know what it's like."

"Then help me understand," he said, his tone gentle but firm. "Let me in."

Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them away, shaking my head. "I can't."

Derek reached out, placing a hand on my arm. "You can. You don't have to do this alone."

I wanted to believe him, wanted to lean on him, but the shame was too heavy. I pulled away, taking a step back. "Just...go back to bed, Derek. Please."

He hesitated, his jaw tightening. "Okay," he said finally, his voice low. "But this isn't over. I'm not giving up on you."

He turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the dim kitchen. My hands shook as I stared down at the bag.

I knew he was right. But the pull was stronger than the truth.

-
Meredith Grey moved quickly through the ER, her mind focused on the cases in front of her, pushing the weight of everything else aside. The day was long, the hours dragging as usual. The chaos of the ER, the steady flow of patients, the pulse of constant urgency—this was the only thing that kept her grounded. If she didn't work, if she stopped moving, her thoughts would return to everything she had lost. And she couldn't afford that. Not today.

But when she heard the voice calling her name, everything stopped.