Drugs

Its not enough

Meredith Grey moved quickly through the ER, her mind focused on the cases in front of her, pushing the weight of everything else aside. The day was long, the hours dragging as usual. The chaos of the ER, the steady flow of patients, the pulse of constant urgency—this was the only thing that kept her grounded. If she didn't work, if she stopped moving, her thoughts would return to everything she had lost. And she couldn't afford that. Not today.

But when she heard the voice calling her name, everything stopped.

"Meredith?"

She froze. Her heart slammed in her chest. The sound of that voice—a voice she hadn't heard in two years-was like a punch to her gut. She knew that voice, but it couldn't be him. Not here. Not now.

She turned slowly, her eyes locking onto the figure standing at the doorway. Ian. The same Ian—the one who had walked out of her life when she needed him most, the one who didn't stay when they found out she was pregnant. The man who couldn't handle the responsibility of a child, of her. The man who had left her alone to deal with everything.

"Ian?" Her voice barely rose above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

Ian looked at her with that same familiar, yet distant expression. He looked older, worn. His hair was a little grayer than she remembered. But those eyes—those eyes she used to lose herself in—were still the same.

"I—" He hesitated. "I didn't know where else to go."

Meredith stood frozen in place, unable to move, unable to breathe. His presence was like a tidal wave crashing over her, pulling her under. The memory of their last conversation, the last time they were together before he walked away, flooded back with painful clarity.She was pregnant then. A pregnancy she had been terrified to tell him about. He hadn't wanted to stay. He hadn't been ready for it. He had left before she was even showing a bump.

And now, here he was, standing in front of her, like nothing had changed. He had no idea what had happened...

She swallowed hard, trying to keep her composure. 'Don't let him see you break',she told herself. She had spent two years building a wall around herself, and she couldn't let him tear it down now.

"What do you want, Ian?" Her voice was cold, but it trembled slightly.

"I just- I needed to see you," he said, stepping forward cautiously, as if he wasn't sure how to approach her. "I've thought about you a lot... and I've been sorry for a long time."

Meredith's heart thudded painfully in her chest. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him how much his leaving had broken her, how every moment without him had been an eternity. But she couldn't. Not here. Not now.

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Ian continued, his voice soft. "I didn't know how to handle it, and I... I couldn't do it. I thought maybe I was making the right decision, but-"

"No," Meredith snapped, her voice suddenly louder than she intended. "You didn't make the right decision, Ian. You left me. You left me when I needed you most."

Ian's face tightened, his eyes filled with regret, but he didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Meredith could feel the weight of his apology without hearing it. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
She felt the familiar sting in her chest, the raw ache she had learned to live with, but it hit her harder now than it had in a long time. The memories she had locked away—came flooding back.

"I need to see our child, Meredith"

Tears blurred her vision, but she blinked them away quickly. Not here. Not now.

"You don't know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes cast down to the floor. "You don't know what happened, Ian. You don't know how much I've been through."

"I know I hurt you, Meredith," Ian said quietly, stepping closer, his voice filled with more regret than she had ever heard from him. "But I—"

"I lost her," Meredith whispered harshly, her voice cracking. "I lost 'our' daughter, Ian. And you weren't there. You weren't there for me when I needed you."

Ian's face paled, his eyes wide with shock. "Meredith, I-I didn't know. You never-"

"No," she cut him off, shaking her head, trying to breathe through the pain. "I couldn't tell you. You left. You chose to leave, and I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't tell you that I lost our baby girl, that she was just gone. That I failed, to keep her safe"

Ian stood frozen, the weight of her words sinking in. For a moment, neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke.

Meredith wanted to scream. She wanted to shout at him, at the world, for everything she had lost. For the baby she would never get to know. For the man who had walked away when she needed him most. But she didn't.

Instead, she turned away, her body trembling, her hands shaking. She had built her walls too high for him to tear them down now. She couldn't let him back in. Not after everything that had happened.

"I have to go," she said, her voice cold and distant.

Ian reached for her, but she pulled away, her heart aching with the weight of everything she had lost. The man she had loved. The daughter she would never see grow up.

And as she walked away, her mind replaying the loss of everything she had once dreamed of, Meredith knew one thing for sure—she couldn't go back. Not now. Not with him. Not with the memories. Not with the pain. She had lost so much already. The only thing she could do now was keep moving forward. Alone.