Tear In My Heart

Chapter Eight

*Derek's POV*

I wake to the sound of my alarm sounding off and rub my eyes. I get up and as I pass the mirror, I notice the extreme bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep.

I have another day at work today. How am I going to get through it? My love kissed my best friend. My best friend kissed my love. Tears begin to sting my eyes at the thought of them.

I shower, shave, make myself breakfast, get changed and head out the door to work.

*Spencer's POV*

I wake with Sarah soundly sleeping on my chest. I feel a moment of complete happiness until the memories of last night change my happiness to guilt.

I gently get out of bed which awakens Sarah from her sweet sleep. "Morning genius" she murmurs groggily. "Hi. Do you want coffee? I was just about to make some." "Sure. That'd be nice Spence." I nod and go to the kitchen and switch the kettle on to make the coffee.

When the coffee is made, I go back to Sarah's bedroom. I set down her coffee next to her bedside table. She's fallen asleep again. She looks so peaceful. So beautiful. So wonderful. I lightly shake her arm "I made you your coffee, just how you like it" "Thanks Spence" she says when she sits up on the bed and takes the coffee from the little table. "You didn't have much sleep did you?" I ask. "You were tossing and turning most of the night" I add. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, I didn't. Did I keep you up?" "No. I couldn't get to sleep either. I only fell asleep eventually out of pure exhaustion." "Me too" she replies.

"Listen, I'm going to get ready. I think it's just a paperwork day today. I'm going to have to go back to mine so I'll see you at work if that's okay." "Course Spence". I kiss the top of her head and then leave to my apartment to get myself ready for work.

I'm dreading today. Derek was so pissed and hurt. I'm his best friend. I should have known better but in other ways, I'm glad I kissed her, because of how happy she makes me.

I get ready. I straighten my tie and slip on my Converse before leaving my apartment with my messenger bag hanging over my body. I get into my black SUV and the guilt hits me again, straight in the heart. I start to breathe quickly and heavily. I compose myself by taking a few deep and steady breaths and start the car.

I pull into my spot in the car park and nervously head to the building. I flash my badge at the woman at a desk whom I see every day before going to the lift. When I get to our floor, I step out, my head hanging low, not wanting to look at anyone just in case they already know.

JJ comes over to me. "Hi Spencer. How are you today?" Morgan slips past and mutters "Oh yeah, he's great" He says it coldly. JJ furrows her eyebrows but I shrug my shoulders in pretend confusion. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just paperwork today is it?" "Yep, pretty much." "Do you want a coffee?" "That'd be nice Spencer. Thanks. You sure you're okay?" "Mmhm" I mumble before speeding off to make the coffees before I can get questioned further.

I hear the lift ding and Sarah steps outside and walks into the bullpen with her head at the floor. I instantly get an icy cold glare directed at me from Derek as soon as she steps into the room. She walks speedily over to me at the coffee machine not looking at anyone. The guilt is just bouncing off her. When she gets over to me, I look up at her with a 'we need to talk' look and she nods.

*Sarah's POV*

Once Reid leaves the coffee station, Derek comes over looking as if he hasn't had a wink of sleep. "Why him?" He asks calmly. My mind almost goes blank and I stutter on my words "I-I don't k-know. It just felt right but Derek, I honestly feel horrible. I'm so sincerely sorry." I blabber on "I'm sorry Derek. I don't know what to say." "What is there to say? You kissed my best friend. I've known him for longer than you. How could you do this Sarah?" I pull my hair out of my face and wipe the tears threatening to stream down my face. I shrug, completely speechless. "Good reason" He says sarcastically before walking away, leaving me feel internally wrecked. I deserved it though. I did the same to him. I did the same to him.