Thirteen Summers

fourteen

J O S E P H I N E

I had actually fallen asleep halfway through the movie we were watching, it was some comedy film that I couldn't remember the name of, my brothers seemed to enjoy it much more than I did.

When I woke up the next morning, I had somehow ended up back in my room.

I had planned to stay there the whole day but Nick came up to get me around lunchtime.

Apparently, Cameron needed to speak with me.

That is why I was sitting in his office, my anxiety rising and my palms sweating.

I was sure he was going to punish me for messing up my entrance exam, I expected this eventually.

"I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday." Cameron started, his voice relatively calm.

My eyes darted towards my hands, avoiding his eye contact. I didn't want to see the disappointment on his face.

"I think it's a good idea for you to see a grief counsellor." He continued, "You've been bottling up your emotions, yesterday was a direct result of that."

I looked at him, shocked but I stayed quiet because I didn't know what to say, I knew that was probably true.

"I don't want you to think you can't come to Roman or myself when you feel that you're struggling, we'll always be there for you but I understand how hard that must be for you, you're still getting to know us."

I nodded, that was true too. That and the fact, that wasn't made clear to me at any point, it was like he expected for me to just know that.

"It might be easier for you to talk to a stranger, someone who you can put your full confidence in, someone who's trained for situations like this." Cameron informed me, his eyes were sincere. "It would help you to understand what you're feeling."

"Okay." I muttered, nodding my head. "I guess I could give it a try..."

I actually didn't feel like I had much of a choice, I'd learned with Cameron that it was whatever he says, goes.

Cameron was clearly pleased he didn't have to resort to forcing me to agree.

And so, the very next day, I was sat in a waiting room of a private mental health clinic, a clipboard in my hands and Roman sat by my side.

I was given a questionnaire to fill prior to the appointment. Roman had encouraged me to be completely honest, and that legally, everything would stay confidential between me and my grief counsellor.

Over the last two weeks, how often do you find yourself bothered by any of the following issues?

Some questions I could answer easily, others were more difficult.

4. Feeling tired or having little energy.

Not at all

Several days

More than half the days

Nearly every day

I crossed the box for More than half the days.

5. Poor appetite or overeating.

I don't know why but I hesitated, my hand hovered over the sheet then I crossed an X in the empty box next to my answer.

Not at all.

My eating had been fine.

6. Feeling bad about yourself - or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down.