Thirteen Summers

twelve

If I were - Vashti Bunyan

I was listening to this song while writing this chapter, give it a listen while reading if you want :)

J O S E P H I N E

It was the morning of my entrance exam.

And I was sitting in the back of the classroom, hyperventilating.

The plan for today would be for us to sit the exam and then, my teacher had made plans for us to have a little pizza party, as a congratulations to us for finishing summer school.

We had about fifteen minutes until we started. I had studied hard for this but I was still unsure of myself, I didn't fare well with tests.

Most of the people in our small group had already arrived, Aiden was yet to arrive.

I hoped, for his sake, that he'd arrive soon.

I went over my study notes to try to ease my anxiety. It worked for a bit, I found myself flipping back to pages I'd just looked at in fear of forgetting.

It was just a couple minutes before the test started when Aiden walked in, I had already packed away my stuff and was sitting there ready to begin, while he was only just arriving.

He shot me a goofy smile, that I returned with a gentle one, as he took his seat, the class was quietening down as he started settling in.

There were two teachers in the room, our regular one, Mrs Carson, sat at the front of the classroom and the other placed the exam booklets on every desk.

All of us were here, it was time to begin.

I opened the booklet and my mind went blank.

I spent a lot of the time just staring at a page and flipping through to the next. I looked up at the clock at the front of the classroom, half an hour had gone by.

I hurriedly went back to the start of the exam booklet, I read the question over and over.

It wasn't particularly hard, I just couldn't concentrate.

I couldn't concentrate, my eyes darted around the room seeing everyone else getting along with no problems.

Why does everyone understand and I don't?

Tears pricked my eyes, my bottom lip started to quiver.

I couldn't concentrate. I didn't know the answers, Roman was right.

I wasn't where I was supposed to be, maybe I never would be. I studied hard and I thought I was doing well but when it all came down to it, I was stupid.

I missed my mom. I needed a hug, I needed her with me.

I was alone.

At that moment, I forgot where I was. I started crying, audibly.

It wasn't that loud but the room was silent except for the sound of pages turning and pen on paper, everyone could hear the quiet sobs coming from the back of the room.

I had my hands on either side of my head, covering my ears, my eyes were closed.

My tears dropped onto the exam papers, it would've smudged the ink if I had written anything.

"Josephine?" I heard Mrs Carson speaking in a low voice. "Let's step outside for a second, okay?"

I took a shaky breath and opened my eyes to see her crouched beside me, I nodded.