Taming the Blue Skies ( Boy's Love )

18: Smile

18: Smile

How can you say na you’ve already fallen out of love into someone you truly love? Like, I don't get it because it's too hard to understand. Hindi ko alam kung ganoon ba ‘yung nararamdaman ko, but I'm slowly losing interest.

But maybe, not on him, not on our relationship either. Baka napapagod lang ako dahil sa mga school works? Na de-drain ‘yung energy ko dahil sa tuloy-tuloy na trainings?

O baka naman wala na talaga, baka na-uubos na talaga ‘yung nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya. Pero ganoon nalang ba iyon? Hindi na ba puwedeng isalba pa?

I don't know! I don't fucking know what to do anymore! Naguguluhan ako! Mahal ko pa rin naman siya, pero minsan... minsan parang na-uubos na ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin.

I can't clearly explain it, kasi naguguluhan din ako. Hindi ko rin naiintindihan ang sarili ko. Kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko. Hindi ko na alam...

Masaya ang naging experience namin dito sa Baguio. Lalo na noong pumunta kami sa Sagada para mag hiking at mag camping sa tuktok ng bundok. It was still vivid to me. Para bang nag p-play pa rin ito sa isipan ko at mahirap tanggalin.

We made it memorable, even though we're not complete. Nasa isip ko pa rin lahat ng nangyayari kahit nasa siyudad na kami. Nasa condo ako ngayon at nagpapahinga.

“Lamig,” I said, “parang gusto ko nang cuddle...” I added, chuckles lightly.

“May sipon ako, Love.” he said, halata nga sa boses niya.

“But, I miss you so much!” I pouted cutely to him.

“Henryx...” suway niya,

“Of course, Love. I know those safety protocols...” I said defeatedly.

“Alam mo pala eh!” he said proudly,

“Pagaling ka na please, so we could hangout na and cuddle. Tapos, hawakan mo ‘yung-” he cut me off before I could finish my words.

“Kahit kailan talaga, Henryx. Nasisingit mo iyan!” he said,

“What?” I asked innocently while chuckling softly.

“Tsk!” he just signed,

“I was about to say hold my hands, Love. Cuddle tayo tapos hawakan mo ‘yung hands ko.” I defended myself,

“Asus...” he said, like he was mocking me.

“Totoo naman ah!” I said chuckle a bit.

“Hintayin mo, kapag wala na itong sipon ko!” he said, “Kahit isubo ko pa iyan!” he added which made me drop my jaw.

“Love...” I called weakly because of what he said, nanghihina ang buong katawan ko.

“I'm hard, Love!” I whispered weakly,

“Tingin?” he said at mas lalo pa akong nanghina.

“Love?!” I protested,

“Joke lang...” natatawang sabi niya.

I watch him smile genuinely, eyes glistening like it was the best day of his life. I felt my heart aches a bit as I looked at him. Something's not right inside me. I think I'm slowly losing things or I'm just too comfy with him that I forgot everything.

Maybe... or maybe not?

I don't clearly understand myself either. Naguguluhan ako, hindi ako sigurado kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko. When I'm with him, I'm at my fullest and I don't want to get separated. But when I'm not by his side, it feels otherwise.