My Boss and Her Wife

Email

 It's always hard to find out that a person you once considered a great friend has completely turned their back on you. Life is full of surprises, some good, some bad. From my experience, the bad ones never seem to get easier, but you learn to accept it, learn from it, and move on. That's the only thing we can do, move on. At some point, you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening. Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything that happens at once. Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.

As they always say, 'sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are a bad person, it simply means that they are human.' Lately, I've been thinking about who I want to love, how I want to love, why I want to love the way I love, what I need to learn to love that way, and who I need to become to become the kind of love I want to be...and when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this: Before I die, I want to be someone's favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nerves prayer, and be certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible right? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses you build up a whole suit of armor so that nothing can hurt you, and then one stupid person no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day like kiss you are just smile at you, then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and makes you end up crying in the darkness, so simple like a phrase, 'I think we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in your imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love.

I turned my head to look a the brunette lying down in my bed with her hair everywhere. I frowned at her. She is starting to have this effect on me. And what kills me even more is that two other people are doing the same. I try and I try to push Skylar and Melanie away but it never works. So I push Layla away too. I want to be with her I admit that. She is a person I can trust and depend on, but there is just something stopping me. It's like a force that is making me turn away from her. I'm not saying that I have to have someone to be happy, it's just I want someone. So bad. I want someone there when I want to cry my eyes out and kill someone, I want to be able to tell them why I feel that way without having the feeling they might leave me. I sighed as I grabbed my computer off of the small desk that was next to my bed. Before last night I did get a notification on my phone about someone emailing me, of course, I didn't get to see the email, but the address looked familiar. I sat it on my lap and opened it. The screen lit up with a picture of my mom and me when I was ten. I smiled at the picture and opened it up to my emails.

There were about 75 unopened emails. I do check them its just mostly about some dumb crap I don't care about. I went up to my most recent and kept scrolling until I saw the email. And let me just say the address was familiar, really familiar. I closed my eyes and kind of choked on a sigh. Or at least I think it was a sigh, it was probably me trying to hold back from crying. I slowly clicked on the mail and it opened.

"I have this constant fear that I am never going to forget you. The way your brown eyes pierced through mine, or how your goofy grin always made my heart beat ten times faster. And what sucks the most is that it is my fault why I don't have that anymore. But I fell hopelessly in love with you, it's been eight years and I can't forget you. And in the middle of the night when everything is quiet and everyone is asleep I think about you. Even if I don't realize it, you find your way back into my memory to the point it makes me sick to my stomach and I can't breathe because I don't want to love you anymore. And it sucks because I thought I was forgetting you. I was finally happy. And then the memory of you comes back, and I'm sitting in the corner of my room tears pouring down my face and my throat burns because I'm screaming to the ceiling begging myself to forget you. But I can't. And I'm dying. I miss you. And I want to see you. Please let me for I can get my closure."