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~~~
cold, bony fingers search for you,
reach out for you,
find you in the middle of the night,
and you know it's a ghost touch,
a remnant from your worst nightmares,
and yet so real, so real, so terrifying, so real,
and it happens every night, sometimes - all night,
so you are appalled to get into bed, to get into sleep, to fall,
because, once you start falling - it's over, and over, and every night
it's over and over,
you're falling, eternally, chased by, and caught up by bones, cold, death, threat,
nightmares' caress, all night, every night, no mercy, no breaks, no peaceful respite,
it's all getting worse, and worse, and worse, and it's day again, and then it's night again,
and it feels like falling, it feels like dying, truly, and there is zero chance you can ever fix this,
because the water's getting deeper, the night's getting darker, your heart's getting weaker,
your bed's getting wetter, your tears can't stop streaming, your breath's stuck inside you,
all-dying, all-nighters,
repeating themselves, stubborn, persisting, over and over, again, and again.
"Your sleeping pattern is horrible." - my doctor says, laughing.
"I know. I really should do something about it, don't I?" - I smile sweetly.
"Do you want me to prescribe some sleeping pills for you?" - my doctor is kind to me.
"Ah. No, thanks. It's not really insomnia, you know. I am just... lazy." - I smile bigger, convincingly.
"Well, you should do something about it. It's not healthy." - he shakes his head.
"Oh, absolutely! I've been planning to, for a while now. It's my New Year's resolution." - I yip.
"Nice." - this promise is enough for him. - "See you again in 6 months, right?"
I nod, and I smile more, more, more.
I am not sure I have 6 months.
