22nd March, 2024
this is nightmare i want to remember.
for it is a lesson too.
i dreamed that i was in a cozy place, and someone i loved was telling me about a grand concert, some fun event, and we were supposed to go to it together. i remember being so excited, in my dream.
in order to get there, we were supposed to walk the city we were in, and the city was as big as heaven.
i remember carrying heavy luggage on my back, walking slowly. i remember seeing my loved one walking up ahead, skipping, hands in pockets, whistling a tune.
i was happy, because my loved one was leading the way. the place was more than immense, its dimensions could only be fathomed in the dream, beyond the senses. i was fully aware that, had i been all by myself, i would have gotten lost immediately.
we were walking in the middle of a golden city of the future, rich and sparkling, and extremely clean and orderly.
i felt like we had walked all day, but i was still in a good mood, excited. my feet hurt, and my back hurt, but it was nothing.
we reached a field of golden rye, as vast as the eye could see, beyond all five horizons. it was situated right in the heart of the high-tech city, looking rural, feeling rural too - warm and fragrant, like a real field, touched by the cruel sun at noon, in mid-July. everything was still extremely clean, looking almost sterile, as if it was all a hologram, all lukewarm and pleasant, but i made sure to touch, and the warmth matched the aroma in my dream.
my loved one laughed, while walking, and took a turn, all of a sudden, disappearing inside the field, running away, free and laughing. i took a small break, waiting for him/her to return, for the longest time, but no one came back.
there was a heavy silence. i was all alone, inside a living picture, stuck in liquid golden wind. i had no road to go on, i didn't know how to find my way back. i was trapped, inside luxury and lavishness.
i looked down on myself: i was wearing rags, torn clothes, and my feet were bleeding, because i had been walking barefoot for too long.
i turned, and looked at my shoulders and back: there was a demon there, blurry at the edges, but very real, and very heavy.
i was all alone, abandoned, and surrounded by quiet, peace and opulence.
i remember feeling such despair, so much grief, such betrayal, that i woke up, terrified and suffocating, with a vivid image of the City Of Gold in front of my eyes.
i woke up and i was cold. my eyes were full of tears.
this was not the first time i woke up crying. not by a long shot.
