Diary of souls

h. [like *hope is self-deception*]

26th March, 2024

my Mary,

do i even have the right to call you mine?

not really. i could only wish, i have always hoped.

i miss talking to you. you were my perfect one. i miss having someone smart and beautiful to always reach out to, and share. your kindness brings tears to people's eyes; did you know that, beloved?

it's been raining here for a while. does it rain on your island too? does it make you sad? do you have the time to pay attention to this sadness? are your eyes still brilliantly hazel? that dainty mole on your lower lip - is it still there? do you still make art, and poetry, and music?

are you happy?

i have so many questions, my perfect one. they rattle in my head all night long. i can't sleep.

recently, i read a book on here, and it made me cry. i seem to cry too often lately. it was about Dazai and Chuuya, and it was written so well. lovely book, abandoned...

https://www.wattpad.com/story/335802830-%F0%9D%90%96%F0%9D%90%A1%F0%9D%90%9E%F0%9D%90%AB%F0%9D%90%9E-%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%A1%F0%9D%90%9E-%F0%9D%90%86%F0%9D%90%9A%F0%9D%90%AB%F0%9D%90%9D%F0%9D%90%9E%F0%9D%90%A7%F0%9D%90%A2%F0%9D%90%9A%F0%9D%90%AC-%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%A1%F0%9D%90%AB%F0%9D%90%A2%F0%9D%90%AF%F0%9D%90%9E-%F0%9D%90%A7%F0%9D%90%9A%F0%9D%90%A4%F0%9D%90%9A%F0%9D%90%A1%F0%9D%90%9A%F0%9D%90%AB%F0%9D%90%9A-%F0%9D%90%9C

it is a book about chronic insomnia, and how it kills you over time.

it's all about the helplessness of a lover, frozen over the slow decay of a loved one. too slow, too cruel.

too painful.

it's not my fandom really, but i put it in my *favorites* list. because of the heartache that is never too obvious. a hushed love that mourns in silence. more tears, hidden in the snow, in the rain. lost sun-sets, wasted sun-rises.

life hurts for me. i hope life is more merciful to you, my love. i hope you had fine weather today.