The star is mine (completed)

XIII: Vengeance

San's POV

I lift my head off of the table and call Jay in again. I can't just sit around and cry, I have to do something. Revenge.

'Where is he now?'

'I don't know, he got released from jail a while ago'

'We're going to find out', I tell him. I don't want to sit back and wait this time. I need to do this.

'Where do we start?'

'Where he used to live, maybe someone knows where he went'

Before I knew it, I jump into my car, together with Jay and a gun in my pocket, driving towards the apartment building we know he lived, the building he did that to Wooyoung. The moment I set foot into the building the rage overwhelms me and I'm suppressing the urge to kick in a door.

Jay tells me he found out there's a man that lives on the second floor who apparently knows everything about everyone. I don't think twice before running up the stairs and knocking on the door of apartment 2c.

He opens the door slowly, revealing an old, tired face while the sound of a football match is playing in the background. I reach into my pocket, my hand clenches around the gun.

'Kim Gyuseon, he used to live in the apartment next to this one. Where is he?'

He closes the door again, but my reflexes are quicker, trapping the barrel of my gun between the door and its frame, forcing the man to open up the door again, his tired face turning into fright. He lets us into the apartment, the apartment smelling of cigarettes and empty beer bottles scattered across the floor.

'He went to jail', he tells us, 'Child abuse'.

I slip my gun back into my pocket but I keep holding onto it.

'He got out'

'He moved out of the city, that's all I know'

My gun appears again, the frightened look in his eyes returns.

'He moved to Namhae, the house he grew up', his hands are shaking.

The place I swore to never return to. The place my parents raised me, even though it was mostly my mother, when my father was 'working' in Seoul. He came home for a few days every month, and one of those is the day I had nightmares from.

'Thank you', I say and I walk out.

'We're going to Namhae tomorrow, and we're going to find him in one day, I don't want to stay there any longer '

The next morning we're driving to Namhae. I've spent the whole night trying to find him using the internet and ended up finding some of his family that never left.

'Kim Gyuseon, where is he?', I say when his brother opens the door.

'I haven't seen him in years, and I don't want to either'

'I've been told he moved back into the house he grew up'

'What are you planning on doing to him if you find him?'

'He ruined someone's life; I want to make him pay for it'

The door opens further and I walk into the house.

'Then make him pay for ruining my life too', he tells me and walks into his living room to get a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling down an address.

He hands it to me and I thank him, checking the address.

My body fills with pure rage when he opens the door just a little bit, his face barely visible in the small opening.

'What do you want?', he asks.

'You', I say and I push open the door fully to grab him and drag him out of the house. Jay opens the car door and I push him in the back before he can say anything.

I get into the car myself and Jay sits next to me.

'Let me go, I did nothing wrong'

I'm almost bursting out of my skin but I contain myself.

'How do you have the fucking guts to say you did nothing wrong?'

'You have no right to hold me', he yells at me.

I turn my head aggressively, 'You had no right to rape those children', I yell back even harder.

He starts screaming and banging on the car window, 'LET ME OUT'.

I look at Jay, 'Shut him up'

He's tied to a chair in an empty room in my building, a piece of cloth in his mouth to prevent him from talking or screaming and he's covered in cuts and bruises, while I'm walking around him at a steady pace.

He isn't moving anymore and for a second I think I might have even gone too far, but then I remember what he's done and I suddenly feel as if I haven't done enough.

I want to kill him.

I take my gun and stop right in front of him, aiming it at his face. I hold it there for a few seconds and his eyes flash open, actually scaring me. I'm still hesitating when his eyes turn from anger to fright, realizing he doesn't have much longer to live.

I remember who I am.

I pull the trigger, hear the bang and feel the gun jerk back in my hand, but I feel guilt instead of the joy of revenge. The agony of the blood running down his face and the red pool forming on the stained concrete.

I'm not who I used to be. I used to feel a kick from killing, now I just feel guilt and for a second, I want to aim the gun at myself instead.

I drop it, the metal clanging on the floor and I practically run out of the room and into the hallway, trying to forget about the feeling I just had, trying to tell myself I can still kill without regret but I know I can't.

I've become weak.