The star is mine (completed)

XXVIV: Test me

I'm sorry for the late posts :( but our story is coming to an end and I've been procrastinating writing a proper ending chapter for it... Anyone have any ideas? 

San's POV

'I'd die for him', I'm looking at Wooyoung, who has a gun to his head.

Jongho slowly turns to me, and I let out a breath of relief when he pulls the barrel away from Wooyoung, even when I feel the cold metal pressed to my forehead instead.

I know we'll be safe soon enough, and I only have to stretch some time before the door get kicked in and Jongho will be powerless against four armed men. I'm still okay with the gun against my head.

Maybe I deserve it. Not only for that call to my dad, or for the things I've done to Wooyoung, but also everything else. I'm a walking ball of guilt right now.

I'm a murderer.

Maybe I deserve to die.

'Kill me, but leave Wooyoung alone', I try.

Jongho just chuckles, not even trying to pretend he's taking me seriously.

'Kill me', I say softly, barely hearable.

Jongho heard, I'm sure of it, but Wooyoung didn't.

'It's easy enough to kill you, brother, but I wouldn't have done all of this if I wanted to make it easy'

The roles are reversed now, and I'm the one pointing a gun at Jongho's face, this time in the back of Jay's van.

I've talked to Wooyoung, and he told me I could try to get information out of him this way, as long as I didn't hurt him. I agreed, constantly trying to keep myself from bursting out of my skin in anger.

'Where is she?'

'I don't know'

I press the gun against his forehead, 'If you don't answer, I'll just shoot you'

'I really don't know where she is, I've looked for her for years too, but it seems she's always two steps ahead'

'You must know something', I'm secretly enjoying the fact he looks genuinely terrified, like I used to, but this time knowing no one will get harmed.

'She just drove off, that's the last time I ever heard of her'

'Tell me exactly what happened after you killed him'

Two seconds of dead silence, followed by, 'I ran outside, with the money, got into the car and we were planning to drive away before she noticed the blood on my clothes. She'd warned me before, told me not to kill him, and didn't believe it when I told her it was out of self-defence. She kicked me out of the car and drove off with the money'

'As she should', I say underneath my breath.

I already know I'm not going to find out anything useful, but I keep pressuring Jongho. I guess I miss the feeling of scaring the shit out of people that tried to hurt me.

'Where do you think she could've driven off to?'

'If I would've known that...'

'What kind of car was it?'

'A black VW'

'Whose was it?'

'Mine'

'Did you ever get it back?'

'Of course not'

I keep annoying him with questions until it drives him mad, and he starts yelling his responses back at me. It takes me quite a while to realize it's just a big waste of time and finally get out of the van, leaving my brother alone with his rage.

Wooyoung's POV

We're driving back to the hotel we stayed last night, the car radio filling the silence between us. We're planning to spend another night there, before flying back home.

It's the same song again, the one I played for San while we were driving to the address we thought was my sister's. I look at him, but he keeps staring ahead, as if he doesn't want to look at me.

'Are you okay?', I get worried after a few seconds.

'I'm fine', he says tightly.

'You don't sound like you are'

Another few seconds of quiet. I can sense he wants to say something, but he doesn't really know how to. I give him the time to think about it, just staring ahead too.

'He didn't know...', he finally says something, but I can't figure out what he's talking about.

'Who?', I ask softly, trying not to pressure him too much.

'Jongho. He never knew what my mother died of. We always told him she died of a heart attack, but he kept thinking my dad killed her.'

'Then what happened to her?'

'She killed herself.'

I don't know what to say, instead waiting for San to explain more.

'She had mental problems. Schizophrenia. She never wanted to talk about it, except the few times she begged me never to tell Jongho. I never really understood why she didn't want him to know, but I respected her request.

One day, I found her on her bed with an open pill bottle next to her. I still didn't want to tell my brother about her disease, so me and my dad lied about it. I only found out later that Jongho actually saw her with the pills, so he knew we'd lied to him.

He started assuming the worst, out of the hatred he dad for our father.

To be honest, I wanted to tell him. Maybe she wouldn't mind if I told him so many years after her death.'

'But you didn't', I add.

'Maybe I should have told him, it'd be better if he just knew the truth'

'I don't even think he would've believed you'

'Maybe'

The conversation comes to an end, just like the song on the radio, and our previous staring at the road listening to the music continues.

The words keep playing in my head. I can't stop thinking about them, even though I really want to.

She had mental problems. Schizophrenia.

We both had shit childhoods, but turned out completely opposite from each other. maybe not, maybe we're a alike nonetheless. I think we both became numb, just trying to survive in the hell we ended up in.

Now we're both starting to feel alive again. To feel again, in general. To find out there's something beyond the cold, hard world.

There's love.

I look at him again, my heart suddenly filled with a feeling I can't explain, but I've had it before. When he fell to his knees in the doorframe of my apartment, just begging me not to hate him anymore. When he promised we would find my sister. When he first told me he loved me.

I don't think he knows exactly what those moments meant to me, and I just want to tell him, but I don't know how.

'I love you', I say quietly, almost whispering, but he heard it.

His eyes open a little wider, his expression is a little less blank and hard.

'I love you too, Wooyoung'

I can't hold back a smile. This is another one of those moments I will never forget.