The star is mine (completed)

XV: Devil by the window

a/n: I'm alive lmao, after not posting here for two months I gave up my semi-successful edits account (@san_san_stan on insta) to start posting on here again. I don't even know why I ever stopped, bc i almost have the whole story finished in a word document on my laptop and, even though I barely have any views, this is hella fun. 

So for the very few people who already made it here, thanks a lot, and it would mean the world to me if you voted and commented on a few of my chapters, so I at least know what you all think.

(and yes, the story does get better, I'm improving so much while writing this story, it's crazy)

Oh and by the way, this has to be one of my favorite chapters in this entire book

Wooyoung's POV

I've been crying and cursing for probably the past hour.

I trusted the man who pulled a bag over my head and forced me to prostitute myself even though I knew the monster he was. I knew he must have killed countless people, put countless bullets in countless brains just to get where he is now.

I guess I just needed the reminder that, even though he tells me he meant well, like taking some fucked up revenge for me for something I've already gotten over, that he's a killer and someone I don't want around.

The doorbell rings.

Right when I'm having the worst mental breakdown of my life, the doorbell rings.

I get up, stumbling towards the door, and the face I see is the last one I would expect. It's Choi San's.

I want to slam the door shut, yell at him, hit him again, but I can't. I just freeze in place and lose the ability to talk or even move my limbs.

His eyes are swollen and red, his tie hanging loosely around his neck and the top button of his shirt is undone. He's been crying too. It's rare to see him show any emotion at all but this image makes me feel some sort of pity for him.

It's heartbreaking to see him like that, and all of the sudden I feel like he isn't such a monster after all, as if he's capable of feeling human emotion like all of us.

I try to keep the thought out of my head, try to keep thinking how horrible he is but the walls I've built to keep him out are crumbling at the sight.

'I'm sorry'

The wall crumbles further upon hearing his broken voice and his even more broken apology, which I try not to believe. I take a step back so he can enter, but he stays in the doorframe.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything I've done but I don't want to lose you. I'll do anything, please'

I notice a tear running down his face before I notice one on mine. I don't say anything, not because I don't want to, but because my vocal chords gave up.

'I killed him because I was mad for what he'd done, I thought he deserved death and I thought you wanted him dead too, but I guess I was wrong'

'I wanted him dead, but not in this way, I didn't want to get reminded you're a killer', my knees are weak but I keep standing up.

'I'll never kill anyone again, if that's what it takes not to lose you, I'd give up anything for you'

'And how do you expect me to believe that?', I make another desperate attempt to resist him.

I see his hand shaking, tears are now running down his face freely and it's breaking my heart.

He drops to his knees. The movement was so sudden and it feels so real, as if he really couldn't keep his body up because of the pain.

'I promise it and I'm begging you to believe it, to just hate me a little less. I understand if you never want to see me again but please, just consider'

I'm drawn to him like a magnet, my knees threatening to give up and drop down next to his, to get closer to him, to pity him, to forgive him.

I don't know how to react or what to say, instead I just stand there, crying, while San is sloppily getting up.

My mind is playing tricks with me, playing ping pong between love and hate while San comes closer to me and I feel his hand on the back of my head. I don't resist this time while we're both standing in the doorframe of my shitty apartment, out faces not more than a few inches apart.

'Please forgive me', the last words he whispers before closing the gap between us.

The kiss is tender and emotional, more than I've ever had before and my heart is beating out of my chest while the tears are running down my face. I wrap my arms around him and pull my head back, resting it on his shoulder while his hand is running through my hair.

We don't move for the next couple of minutes, wrapped up into a warm embrace, both of us still trying to process what just happened.

'I can't forgive you for what you've done, but I can't hate you anymore either'

I once read, and maybe you have too, that hate isn't the antonym of love, it's indifference. Hating someone doesn't mean you can't fall madly in love with them, the two aren't mutually exclusive.