Fickle

Chapter 46

As the night deepened, the flickering shadows in the study grew longer, casting an almost haunting light across the room. Abdullah’s mind, once brimming with the weight of royal responsibility, now felt unexpectedly still, as if the turmoil of the past had been briefly stilled by the solitude. His gaze remained fixed on the desert beyond the window, a vast expanse that stretched into infinity. It was symbolic of his current state—so much out of his reach, and so much he had yet to understand about the choices he had made.

He had always been taught that the role of a ruler came first, that the kingdom was his charge above all else. He had followed those teachings without question, prioritizing Daura’s stability over his personal life, assuming it was the only way to be a true leader. But now, in the silence of his study, surrounded by the echoes of his own thoughts, he realized how deeply that decision had cost him.

The past few months since his return to Daura had been marked by a sense of disconnection—not just from Kulthum, but from his own sense of identity. What did it mean to be a leader if the people closest to him, the ones who mattered most, saw him as a stranger? Jenna had welcomed him with open arms, but her affection, though healing, didn’t erase the years he had lost with her. And Hudayfah... his son’s rejection hit him harder than he had expected. Each time Hudayfah called him "Uncle Abdullah," it was a reminder that his absence had deeply affected their bond.

The pain of that distance made Abdullah question everything. Had he made the right choice all those years ago? Had he truly been a king to his people, or had he merely been a ruler—someone who governed from a throne without truly understanding the hearts of the people who mattered most to him?

Jenna was the easy part. Despite the years of separation, her love for him was pure, unaffected by the complexities of the past. She had shown him a kind of unconditional warmth that made him long to be the father she needed, the father he should have been all along. Every smile, every embrace from Jenna made him feel a step closer to redemption. Her ability to forgive, her willingness to open her heart to him again—it was something he didn’t deserve but was grateful for nonetheless.

Hudayfah, on the other hand, was a different challenge altogether. His son’s distance was a painful reminder that his absence hadn’t just been a matter of physical distance; it had been emotional as well. Hudayfah’s coolness toward him was a wall he couldn’t easily breach. Abdullah knew he had to be patient, but it was hard to accept the fact that the child he had hoped would rush to him with open arms was now holding him at arm’s length.

It hurt to see Hudayfah, so like him in many ways, call him "Uncle Abdullah." The title was a constant reminder of the years lost, the bond fractured by the lies and the pain of separation. Abdullah knew he needed to earn his son’s trust again, but the question lingered: Would it ever be enough?

But it was Kulthum’s letter that had brought the deepest reflection. He had held it in his hands for days, unsure of how to respond, unsure of what he could possibly say to make things right. He could no longer hide behind royal duty or the excuses that had allowed him to distance himself from her. Her letter had cut through the layers of pride and duty he had built up around himself, forcing him to confront the reality of what had happened between them.

Her words were measured, calm even, but there was an unmistakable sense of finality in them. Kulthum wasn’t asking for reconciliation. She was giving him the opportunity to prove himself—not just as a ruler, but as a man, a father, and a husband. She had chosen to forgive him in her own way, but she was not going to be swept back into the past without seeing if he was truly ready to rebuild what they had lost. That was a burden he would have to carry, one he was determined to face head-on.

Abdullah stood up and walked toward the window, placing his hand on the cool glass, his reflection staring back at him. He had always known that leadership was a solitary path. But now, as he looked out over the royal grounds of Daura, he realized just how lonely that path had become. The kingdom was thriving again, yes, but the heart of his family remained fractured.