"Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me...Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing the very thing you gave to me"- Beyoncé, "Resentment"
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~ TARAJI ~
When I woke up this morning, my phone was blowing up with social media notifications and emails from my PR team. I'm used to my phone being busy, but I knew that this was happening for a particular reason. I unlocked my phone, but I honestly wanted to just turn it off because I was so afraid of what I would see. It's all because of the woman sleeping peacefully next to me. How can she even be sleeping right now when she has blown my life up like this? I got up out of bed and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I scrolled through my CVS receipt-like list of notifications, clicking on a post from TMZ that I had been tagged in. The headline made my heart drop to the pit of my stomach: Taraji P. Henson accuses singer and ex-wife Fantasia Barrino of rape! I guffawed at the article title. I wasn't even the one who blurted it out in front of the whole party. It was Amber, and now I'm being blamed for her actions. Against my better judgement, I went to The Shaderoom's page. It was even worse. Someone had uploaded a video from the party of Amber shouting out that Fantasia raped me. I can't imagine how horrible this must be for Fantasia. She's probably going through hell with the media right now. Her management team has to be up her ass. The worst part is that she can't even remember what she did, so she must be so scared and confused right now. On Twitter, mine and Fantasia's name was #1 trending, along with the hashtag #Female Diddy. People are calling Fantasia the female Diddy. I don't see how this could get any worse.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, gripping the sink as I anxiously bounced my leg, trying to resist the urge to throw my phone at the wall and break it. This is my worst nightmare that could come to fruition. I didn't get a chance to tell my story the way I wanted to. Amber robbed me of that, and now the whole world knows my dark truth that I wasn't ready to reveal. Should I call Fantasia? She heard me trying to defend her at the party last night. There's no way she can think that I had something to do with this media storm. I wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of reporters and paparazzi are staked outside of her house right now. That can't be safe for her baby. Amber didn't think about how any of this would affect my life before she opened her big mouth. She simply doesn't care. She has nothing to lose because I've been giving her everything. I need her out of my life before she ruins it completely. I put my phone down for a second just to prepare for the long day ahead of me. I took a quick shower just to decompress and I followed up with my normal hygiene routine. All I really wanted to do was put on some fresh pajamas and crawl back into bed so that I wouldn't have to face the world, but that wouldn't be fair to Fantasia, and it wouldn't be fair to my fans who have possibly been survivors of sexual abuse and are waiting for me to speak up. I feel like the whole world is waiting on me to say something. Out of all the missed calls that I had, Danielle's was the one that I returned first.
Danielle: Hey, Raj. How are you holding up right now, babe?
Taraji:*sighs* I don't even know how to answer that question right now. I'm numb but then again I'm feeling things. I don't know how to feel.
