"Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me...Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing the very thing you gave to me"- Beyoncé, "Resentment"
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~ FANTASIA ~
Danielle's house was a sweet escape from my own home that had been turned into a media circus, but the dark cloud of humiliation and judgement had followed me to my friend's house that had become my safe haven. She was in the kitchen fixing up a charcuterie board for us while holding a sleeping Chloe in her arms. I was sitting on the couch in her living room that I had wrecked last night while fighting Amber. Everything is all cleaned up now and I promised to help her pay for the damages and the cost of her replacing her table, but there is nothing that can repair the emotional damage caused by the story that Amber spread about me. All I can do is sit here and think, wrack my brain to try to figure out if there's any way that there could be some truth to what Amber said, but I keep coming up empty with nothing. I could tell by the way that Taraji reacted that they had talked about it before, and now I'm left to wonder why Taraji would say anything about it to Amber without telling me first, if there's even any validity to what Amber accused me of. I was finally in a good place in my life, and now this train wreck has happened. My entire world has been turned upside down in the timespan of one night.
Now everybody is pointing fingers at me and calling me a rapist. I haven't looked at my phone since this morning. I'm being attacked from all sides. Taraji's fans, my fans, and total strangest are flooding my social media platforms with hate comments and death wishes. Some are even threatening to harm my daughter and find my address so that they can leak it, and that's where it gets to be too much for me. Friends that I have known for years are blocking me and unfollowing me on everything. It's like I'm being sentenced for a crime before I've even had a chance to build my case and defend myself. I know that everybody wants to believe the victim, and as a victim of rape I completely understand that, but this is a unique and deeply complex situation. Nobody is looking at the fact that this devastating allegation is coming from a woman who played a big part in dismantling my marriage with Taraji. Nobody is looking at the fact that Amber acted aggressive as hell by ripping up the rose that I gave to Taraji. Everybody just jumped on the hate train that Amber is conducting. I've been knocked down so many times that I'm afraid I'm going to forget what it feels like to stand.
Danielle came and joined me in the living room with the charcuterie spread and a bottle of wine along with wine glasses after going upstairs to put Chloe down. She sat down beside me, pouring me a glass of wine all the way to the very top. I grabbed it from her and chugged it, throwing all of my etiquette and poise out of the window. I took the bottle and poured myself another full glass. Danielle raised her eyebrows as she watched me throw it back in one gulp. I poured a third glass, but I planned on sipping it slowly. If I get too drunk I won't be able to think clearly, and I have a lot of thinking that I need to do.
