Call Me Hurt

Chapter 14 - Hurt

Weeks went by. We didn't have the strength to convince EJ to stop using the button so often. We all felt like the drugs made us feel like we were fading away. Or maybe it wasn't just the drugs. Maybe EJ truly felt nothing, and we were going to vanish.

I sat in the visitors' chair, feeling like I could cease to exist at any second, when EJ's heart monitor started beeping faster and faster as she began to toss and turn in her sleep, her breathing picking up and mumbling something to herself.

"EJ, sweetie, what's wrong?" I asked, but my question was promptly answered when I felt a stabbing pain radiating through my chest.

Something was wrong.

"Mummy...Mummy...I want my mummy..." EJ mumbled as the machines she was attached to made faster and higher pitched noises.

"Somebody help!" I screamed, forgetting for a moment that no one could hear me.

Suddenly, EJ threw off her covers and began sprinting out of her room, dragging the machines and IVs until they dropped off her.

She hadn't walked in weeks, so it took her a moment to gain strength back in her legs, but once she found it, she began running. I chased after her, still not clear on what was going on inside her head.
Even though I knew it was pointless, I tried catching the attention of the night nurses, but of course, they were blind to me.

I lost sight of her for a moment, but then I found her in the atrium, looking up at the sky and gasping for air.

"EJ?" I said as I slowly approached her from behind.

"It's gone...it's not here...it's gone!" she cried out and crumbled to the ground.

I caught her before she hit the floor and held her in my arms as she sobbed and gasped.

"EJ, what's wrong? What's gone?" I asked.

"The wind! I want to feel the wind! I can't feel the wind!"

I quickly scanned the room and found a window cracked open ajar. I kept my arms around her and dragged her over to the window.

"Sweetie, I can't open it. Can you open it for me?" I said.

She reached out the hand that wasn't in a cast and slid the window open all the way. There wasn't much wind that night.

"I can't...feel it..." EJ sobbed.

"Can you see those leaves?" I asked, drawing her attention to the green leaves slowly dancing in a breeze that was barely there. "Do you see that? There's the wind."

For the first time in weeks, she looked me in the eyes, still moaning from the pain stabbing her chest.

"Mummy," she sobbed. "Why did you drive the car if you weren't feeling well?"

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." I replied, gently brushing her hair away. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'll never do that again."

"You've said that so many times, Mum. But you always hurt me again."

"I mean it this time. I will never do anything to hurt you ever again. I'm going to take care of you now."

"What if I go to culinary school? You'll be alone."

"I'll be okay, because you're going to blow the world away with your cooking, and I will be so proud of you. You don't have to worry about me."

EJ reached up her hand and placed it on my cheek as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Mummy...I'm so tired..." she whispered.

Was this it? Did everything lead up to this moment? Was this what we were keeping her alive for? Was this the end of her story?