Call Me Hurt

Chapter 10 - Anger

I can't move. EJ thought. I hope I never move again.

EJ hadn't felt this euphoric peace in so long. She had spent what felt like hours lying in Rikki's bed with her cheek pressed against their chest, tracing circles on their shirt, listening to their rhythmic heartbeat. They didn't even speak. They just listened to soft hypnotic music and stared at the rays of sunshine peeking through the cracks of the curtain. EJ thought Rikki smelt of simmering onions, mixed with some kind of fruity soap and a hint of tobacco. She liked it. She felt as if she was an entirely different person when she was with Rikki; a person she enjoyed being more than who she was at home. There was no anxiety, no problems to go home to, no trauma, no mental illnesses, and best of all, no more loneliness.

"Hey Rik," EJ asked.

"Mm-hm?" Rikki mumbled, tracing their fingers down EJ's spine.

"Why do you have so many suncatchers on your ceiling?"

"It's a bit silly. But I've been afraid of the dark since I was a kid. I don't like coming home to a dark house, so these make me feel less – I don't know – lonely, I guess. Like, if my place is surrounded by light, then the dark can't get to me."

"I could stare at them all day."

"I can make you one if you would like."

"Really? You make these?"

"Yeah. I needed a hobby outside the family business."

Anxiety and I were watching by Rikki's small dining table. EJ wanted to be alone with Rikki, which we were happy to oblige. So, we observed from a distance.

"I can't believe she's still not here." Anxiety said.

"You can't believe who's not here?" I asked.

"Happy. I know we haven't seen her in years. But look at EJ. I haven't seen her this content in I don't know how long. I really thought she'd show up this time."

None of us could physically leave EJ, but it was true, we hadn't seen Happy in a long time. We didn't know it was possible for one of us to suddenly disappear. Maybe all the trauma and anxieties were filling up so much room in EJ's head that she somehow got lost.

"Do you remember that golden silhouette we saw of her and Elliot playing that Little Princess game when they were kids? Maybe she sent that to her to remind her she can be happy again. Maybe she's trying to break out of wherever she is. Her not being here doesn't mean EJ isn't happy."

"But that's the whole point of her existence, isn't it? Without her, how can EJ find joy?"

"By finding reasons to get up in the morning. By meeting people like Rikki. Even without Happy here, she can still find happiness of her own."

Just then, a familiar song started playing on the radio and EJ felt her entire body turn cold. What appeared in front of her was another golden silhouette of EJ and Elliot dancing on their dining table, rocking out to the same song.
EJ expected to feel outraged and upset – which she did a little bit – but she still felt blissful being in Rikki's company.

"My brother loved this song." EJ mumbled as Rikki continued to draw lines up and down her spine.

Rikki looked down at her. "You brought him up at the gala. I didn't even know you have a brother?"

"At least, I think I do. Somewhere."

"What do you mean by that?"

In that moment, EJ decided it was finally time to give Rikki some answers. She had hinted many times that things were tough at home, and she had unresolved trauma. But she never told them a full story.
Rikki had told her that nothing could scare them off, and now she was starting to believe it.