Call Me Hurt

Chapter 8 - Anxiety

EJ sat on the couch in her new therapist, Rosie's, office. She swallowed a large lump in her throat as she struggled to think of what to talk about.

Her eyes darted over to me and thought 'Should I talk about you? What if she takes you away from me?'

"You don't have to talk about us yet, and you can start wherever you want." I replied.

EJ closed her eyes and began searching the boxes in her head for a certain memory. She waded through a sea of grey, green, red, and blue, until finally she found purple.

She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. "Have you ever read 'A Little Princess'?"

Rosie was younger than EJ had expected. There was something about a therapist being close to her age that made EJ feel bad about how little she had accomplished in life compared to Rosie. But she liked that their hair colour matched.

Rosie sat cross legged with a clipboard in hand. "I have. My mother read it to me when I was little."

"Do you know that part where Sara and Becky wake up with all this food and warm blankets and clothes?"

"Yes, I remember."

"My brother and I used to play it all the time when we were kids. But we also added our own twist to it. We would make a list of all the foods and new clothes we wanted, then we would pretend to fall asleep, and woke up to an imaginary feast and a cornucopia of gifts. But in our version, we pretended that Mum and Dad were joining in, and they would promise not to fight or yell anymore. We would play it until the fighting stopped, or when we would tire ourselves out."

"Did it help take your mind off the fighting?" Rosie asked, scribbling something on her notepad.

"Sometimes. Other times it was too hard to ignore the screaming. But Elliot always tried to distract me."

"Is that a happy memory you like to come back to?"

EJ lifted her head, but this time she wasn't looking at Rosie. She was looking at the young, sad teenager who sat next to her.

Despair.

"It was a happy memory," EJ sighed. "But, the other day, something happened."

Three Days Ago
Despair

The downside to being Rikki's friend was the seven flights of stairs EJ had to trudge through to their apartment. But EJ was fixated on using the stairs as opposed to taking the elevator, though she didn't know why. The pain in her feet didn't bother her too much though. She was just looking forward to being out of the house and seeing her friend.

She finally reached their floor and opened the door to the delicious smell of sizzling onions. Rikki was by the hotplates, stirring as it simmered.

"It's just chilli tonight." they said.

"Sounds good," EJ replied.

She collapsed onto the couch and began channel surfing. She flicked through channel after channel – knowing full well that they would eventually just watch a series on Netflix – until she stopped at a familiar movie.
Sara and Becky were giggling as they helped each other put on their new and luxurious clothes and shared a hot breakfast together.

At first EJ gave a small smile, but moments later, her heart became heavy. Then she started experiencing that familiar strange feeling. She couldn't focus on anything. She was viewing everything as if she was observing her from above. She was completely disconnected from her body.